A Muslim Girl: My Boyfriend is a Hindu…….Rahul or Javed?
Shamim (Muslimah wants to marry Hindu) says: April 25, 2012 at 1:24 am
Shamim here i m in difficult situation. My boyfriend is a hindu. My parents dont like he talking to me. Actually its high time and they are forcing me to marry a guy in my area, javed. I’m crying day and night. I just want to marry Rahul and spend my life with him. But no one from my family is supporting me for marriage with him, due to his religion, i dont want him to change. My dad has given me warning to stop seeing Rahul. Its 1 week that i saw him, i cant think anything else now. I m educated, i love my parents, but I cant stand their torture anymore for marriage to javed, i will run away or die one day, i dont know. Rahul is earning. His family is nice and he will take care of me. What should i do? i have very less time, i dont want to leave him.
Seema Maheshwari replied: April 25, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Shamim. no one should ask you to leave your parents. On the other hand, if you are an educated adult, no one should be able to force you to marry anyone.
What about the boys parents? Will they help you and support you?
Admin replied: April 26, 2012 at 11:45 PM
Shamim, You are in a very difficult situation. As you know, in Islam, rules are very strict for girls vs. for boys.
You may be wondering why people (or God?) created all these religions making young people’s life difficult? Why one God is more important than the other God? Why humanity is a low priority but what is written in some books thousands of years before is more important? Why we cannot take the best from two religious scriptures and enjoy the interfaith married life with equality? Why the person you marry to is of less importance than the religion of that person? …..well, these are all theoretical questions and today you will have to deal with practicality.
You may be hoping that you will have your Hindu-Muslim marriage with equality like Salman, Seema and Shah Rukh Khan. However, for that, you (or your bf) have to be financially independent and/or your parents have to have courage to go against the Islamic dogma.
You have made a very rational point by saying, “i don’t want him to change (his religion).” However, in faith there is less rationality and more belief system imposed on us. Unfortunately, religious conversion of a Hindu is the only option the Koran?, most Muslims and probably your parents will recommend you (a Muslim girl) to take. It is possible that they may ask you to tell Rahul to take Shahadah oaths and convert to Islam, change his Rahul name to an Arabic name, have a circumcision, ask him not to pray anymore to his Hindu gods but to Allah only, not visit his Hindu temples any more but only to Mosques, slowly get away from his parents and mingle more with Muslims, raise children with Islamic teachings only and ultimately he has to become a true Muslim (even Javed may not be!!!) if he wants to marry you. You have to make a difficult choice: what is fair to do? or what is good for Islam?
As an adult, unless you are in some Islamic countries, you have legal rights to marry who ever you wish. Do not marry to someone unless you like him. For Javed, tell him you are not ready to marry now. Tell your parents that you want to go for a higher education. Buy some time to think through what is best for you. Get into rational discussion with your parents to convince them and see how it goes. Best wishes.
Shamim says: April 27, 2012 at 7:42 am
I dont want to change his religion. And i m going to try to make my family understand Rahul better. The problem is they only focus in their religion, even when majority of my dad’s business comes from hindus, he has several hindu friends etc.
Unfortunately I will have to run away for marrying Rahul, i heard there are legal trouble as well, is it true?
Admin says: April 27, 2012 at 8:38 pm
First, you should know yourself by reevaluating your faith. Who is the God? Is Allah the only God as described in the Koran? Who are Jesus, Krishna, Mahavir and Buddha……idols? Do you believe in the Judgment Day? Do you know that it is sin to marry a non-Muslim, especially an idol-worshiper Hindu? How many of Koranic statements are applicable to Rahul and his family? As one ages, one becomes more religious; do you think you may ever change like Dee’s wife? Soon other Muslims will guide you on this post for what are right things for you to do as a Muslim girl. Read that critically to help you make an “informed” decision.
Instead of “run-away,” consider these: 1) In general, you cannot find a solution to complex marriage issues in a few days. A more thought out decision will be better for you in a long run, 2) you are educated and intelligent. You should be able to argue with your parents rationally. Ask them…. are they “true” Muslims? Are they doing their namaz five times a day and literally following every word mentioned in the Koran? Ask them to preach only what they follow, 3) your parents love you; listen to their concerns. Give them (and you) a chance to realize reality. It may take some time, may be months or years. Normally they won’t mind considering your request, but they have to save their face from the Muslim community, 4) go meet your dad’s Hindu friends. Don’t tell them your current situation but mentioned them that some day you may need their help to talk to your dad. Find others in your Muslim community like brother Rauf, and ask them to talk to your dad, and 5) exercise the run-away option only if your parents are forcing you (that is against the law) to marry to someone against your wishes.
Run-away could bring legal issues, so you have to think of it carefully and take that option only as a last resort. Lets hope someone with legal knowledge (we assume you are in India) will guide you here. However, a layman could think like this…if you run-away, your dad could report to police and get Rahul arrested for abducting and holding you against your wishes. However, Rahul’s lawyer could use your communication on this web site as a proof that your dad’s claim is illegitimate.
Are you considering to run-away to immediately get married? If you are thinking of a Hindu marriage ceremony, it may not be a valid marriage because you are a Muslim. If you want a Muslim Nikaah ceremony, Rahul has to convert by Shahadah before the Nikaah. Best option for you will be to marry by the Indian Special Marriage Act, 1954 (and in addition you could have other religious ceremonies, if you wish). Keep us posted for updates.
Shamim Says: May 7, 2012 8:22 pm
Salam Indian brother, I dont agree with you. I believe in allah, and i also believe in existence of other gods as well. Just because i love a guy who is non muslim you think i have no faith? I am sorry to say you are of same thinking as that of my father. Tell me a concrete reason why i should not marry Rahul, have you met him? And what you mean by this site being anti-muslim? When i saw the case of Zoya, she is Jain-Hindu and loves a muslim boy, you did not told anything? This narrow minded mentality which my father has is what i dont like. I love Rahul, because he will keep me happy and let me practice my religion, i will be working too. My allah has no problem but you half muslim-half narrow minded muslim have.
Shamim Says: May 17, 2012, 7:31 pm
Hi Srinivas, I dont think Muslims attack hindus for marrying Muslim girls. Its only those Muslim who feel inferiority complex (like the user Indian, who comments threatens hindus, he does not represent muslims, he is even scared to say his name). I m educated muslim girl and i know about allah and humanity. why cant muslim girls fall in love with hindu boy (if you quote say its prohibited in islam, it WAS prohibited that rule was only valid within a context. i dont need anyone’s interpretation to explain it), why only girls suffer all the rules, muslim boys have hindu girlfriend. That is banned too in islam but no one (user Indian) talks qurans lessons then, Only when we muslim girls love a human being all the hell breaks loose. I hate people like user Indian who only mis represent islam, he wants everyone convert to islam else you are a fool, he is narrow-minded person. I dont want to get married to a driver or an electrician etc I love Rahul, he loves me so much he accepts me as a muslim and i have made it clear that i would not convert to hinduism, even though i respect it just like Islam and that’s all i want. For rahul i will do everything if my family hurts him i will be with Rahul and seek police help.
Shamim says: May 28, 2012, 7:27 am
Shamim here, We are going to apply for marriage under special marriage act this weekend. Thanks all for your support and guidance.
Shamim says: June 9, 2012 12:15 pm
We are yet to decide were we live, I m still at my home and he is in his.
We have not yet told anyone about the marriage. I m waiting for a good moment to tell father and mom.
I see so many discussions on this site on hindu and muslim marriage, I just want to say that some fundamentalists want everyone to convert to Islam, but they dont know islam cant be forced, its in quran.
But I have seen my parents bias opinions on muslim women marriage vs muslim boys (they are given much freedom, which its against islam). What I see is lack of love for different religion & culture in their circle, which is usually like being with only muslims, no diversity. I hope that changes and peace comes to all of us. -Shamim.
Shamim says: on September 24, 2012 at 7:34 am
Ever since I am married with Rahul, fortune appears to be changing dramatically for good. Both of us have got a good job in a MNC and soon shall be going to Singapore. Another most exciting event of my life, that I am pregnant now. Vow what a pleasant surprise. My parents have agreed, no problem now, reality has been accepted. -Shamim.