Sum says: December 31, 2013 at 11:05 pm
I am in a similar situation Khusboo. I live in Canada and I face the same problem.
I feel like I will loose the strength of Islam if I marry my Hindu boyfriend. He will convert for the wedding, but after that he would still like to keep his Hindu beliefs. I accept him for who he is, but I am worried I will not be able to pass down the conviction of my religion to my children.
I feel blessed to have been born Muslim. I am feeling confused, because I really do want Islamic values to be strengthened in my family home. My heart wants to stay close to Islam, but I love him deeply as well. -Sum
Admin says:
Dear Sum,
Islam is a great religion, however you need to know that Islam is not at all a pluralist religion. For this reason, do not plan to mix and match from Hindu and Islamic traditions. There is nothing common to share.
As per Islam, your act of getting into love with a Hindu itself is sin. Do not plan to marry a Hindu and expect to follow Islam 100%. Instead, you should find a guy from your local Mosque who is performing namaz five times a day. Even that true Muslim guy is not as educated as you are or not smart as you are, but you should be proud of following Allah and Muhammad’s wishes. What you gain in THIS life is not important, but you have to think of the AFTER life all times.
Hindus are absolutely pluralist religion. Hindus are easy to fool, meaning they will accept a (fake) shahadah for your nikaah. The guy will come to your Mosque every day, even be ready for circumcision, read from Koran, and act like better than most other Muslims. But he is pluralist, meaning after doing all your Muslim-things, in his spare time, he will like to go do his Hindu things.
Let us explain Hindu pluralism and Islam’s exclusivism different way. Your Hindu friend will be happy to “add” all Islamic teachings and practices, but the day you will ask him to “remove” his Hindu practices, he will get alarmed. For him, it is like having many Barbie dolls. He has already 30 dolls but he will get exciting for a new doll (Islam and Muhammad) and will play with it all times. You will think that now he is a true Muslim and be proud of him. But in 6 months, he will start missing his old Barbies and go for it. Even he will not mind “adding” Jesus as a savior. He will not mind going to a Gurudwara, Jain temple, Buddhist temple, Mormon church, and so on.
He will be glad for Shahadah because it takes only 10 min, that all. This Hindu pluralist boy friend will not even mind for a Baptism water dip on the same day of your Shahadah conversion. Only his requirement for baptism will be that the water temperature be nice and warm for the dip. Hindus are fool and do not understand your Islamic and Christian exclusivism. Thus they don’t mind for the fake-conversion.
His Hindu heart and mind is very open and all inclusive. However, he will never comprehend exclusivity of your Islam that only Islam is a true religion and all the rest (including Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa) will get Hell Fire on the Judgment Day.
You liked that Hindu because he is open minded to accept Islam. However, he has not realized your close exclusivist supremacist Islamic mind. Unless you are an open minded believe that salvation is possible through all faiths and willing to be part of his Hinduism, please do not plan to marry this pluralist. If you marry, Hell Fire is waiting for you in THIS life.
Being intellectual and in the West, we hope you redefine Islam or leave the Hindu alone. -Admin
sum says: January 1, 2014 at 6:23 pm
This is absolutely true, what you are saying about the Hindu pluralist mind and Islamic exclusivity. I do value open mindedness but I know that Islam’s exclusivity is what has strengthened will power in me to have overcome many challenges, and keep a straight path in life. My fear is that lessening the “power” of exclusivity will lessen the confidence and strength I feel as a Muslim. I am feeling much inner conflict because of this. However I have had many experiences in my past where I faced “judgmental” attitudes in the Islamic community which in the past made me feel as if I didn’t completely belong.
My father experienced difficulties facing cultural conflicts when my family came to Canada which placed a lot of pressure on me growing up. These experiences have led me to value open mindedness and heart understanding, and empathy more than dogma of Religion. However living in Canada poses many challenges itself in being able to transmit Islamic values to subsequent generations. That is why I feel especially concerned. I am currently confused and have been suffering many years trying to figure out how to be a Muslim in today’s society in a manner which does not exclude or judge others but also maintains the ultimate belief that Islam does offer a straight path. -Sum
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My thought about life like what is the aim of life:
We come here (not sent or Create By any God)to learn the different experience of life Happiness, Sad movement, love, Hate, Relation with Friend, Family, Love, love to god, other social member and Many more thing to learn about about Nature Creating of God.
We have to live in world it is depend on us we live happy life Given by God or always say my god like me to live unhappy. this is Total game of thought Process.
after life we all will be equal Power and all equal powerful only Feeling and Skills of Life will different. Dedication will different.
So I don’t think and accept all thing said by different religion.
all Religious Book is Helping me to find my Aim of life.
when you think good and bed thing said by a religious book they are nothing say special like Donation is a good thing, live together with Peace, Love your Mother ETC. most of the person know this and bed thing like fraud, drink, murder all is bed also this is know most of the human……. so what is the special.
there is lot of logic I have to Promote and against of all religion.
try to understand Dear admin and Confuse Girl take decision by your own….. try to think Harmony way ….. do such a thing that make you happy as this is a conman thing said by most of the religion…. Religion is not matter and Try to understand one difficult thing god don’t wants to make unhappy any human being. only religious contractor making People unhappy…………….
If I am talking about my believe I am calling my God Shree Radhe (Lord Krishna)…… as a power of nature.. I also feel god in Nature, in Moon, in sun, in my Family, in Tree, In my enemy in my Friend in my work, in my worship, in my love all around the world…. he don’t have any Body like Your God but he is everywhere and everybody…. I learnt about Hate by Terrorist but I also love terrorist as they are all a creation of my GOD.
I will also have lot of think to say but if you are Intelligent than this is enough to you otherwise there is also no effect of extra.
Hi Kamlesh,
Please come to enlighten all interfaith lovers here. We love to hear your thoughts. Please also interact with mac, a Hindu hater, Pakistani hater and what not.
admin give proof when did i say i hate hindus i hate all pakistanis
You don’t remember what you said, too sad. “Animals are even better than pakistanis.” –mac. Read about your views about Brahmin here.
Now please reply here, we are waiting.
Dear Admin,
There is only One Power who is maintaining the world and most of the people called them by different name.
every molbi, pandit and Pop know this think and there is now common way to Remember and Feel that Power.
All religion help to Feel That power that we call God or Whatever.
all Normal human Being are not welling to feel the God they just want to do something that will give the Respect in Society so they doing same as write in book …………. I am not saying that there is anything Wrong in these book but We have a great mind and Life Give by God. we should use that mind and life to find ultimate object of life.
as I found Till now no any religion say Right about Before and After Life. all the religion run by few thinker who want to lead society and they are success because we don’t use our mind about that.
they are creating fear in life to follow them and also as i am a Management Guy some time I also use a Formula of Sentiments and Fear on all the religious person(hindu, Muslim and Christian)but the is only truth in this world is God and ultimate destination of our life is death.
as my logic if I go Paradise or jannat as Dream of most of the Human I can not Enjoy same life with know the Limitation of Life as said by most of the religion there is know end of life in Haven it is same for me like go to Hail. and in hail one is good also that you will know you are hear for Taking Punishment and after this nobody know what will happened in Next Movement.
dear Friends
Im not against to any relegion, i do have friends from many relegion.
1. there is no life after death
2. No one has seen after life
3. No one should talk after death
4. Leave happy till you are alive
5. Do not harm any one and love every one
6. The relegions are only belife there is no truth
7. Love any relegion Male/Female but love each other
8. Search in Him/Her Purity of love Honest.
All the best…
and im against being an Hindu or Muslim
Having More than 1 wife because
1. Before marriage you love her
2. After Marriage you lost the intrest on her
3. So before marriage its not love only affection
4. If its a reverse case, like girl marry more than one Husband
5. Then few will say no its against to our relegion our book say some thing and our gurus said something long before.
6. Rules are made at that time for their convenience
7. Women is also a humanbeing.. treat her like human and love and respect her..
sum,
you want to eat the full cake.without sharing.you want your mental and physical satisfaction(to remain in muslim ummah).you have a mentality which just want conversion.if you had truely loved him there were no question of coming here,you should have married him already against all odds.if you truely love him plz dont live with terms and causes.plzz marry a maulana with 3 wives.forget a hindu boy in your life becoz hindu boys love with heart ,they can die for love,unfortunately hardly any muslim man will put his life at risk and die for her.converting a person doesnt changes a person.jai shri ram.
That’s so judgmental of you! Relax I don’t want a fake convert. I wouldn’t ask for anything that makes my partner uncomfortable and he wouldn’t be happy if I was uncomfortable either.
Sum,
You do not want a “fake convert”. So are you trying on that pluralist Hindu to become a true exclusivist Muslim by real-conversion? Rajiv has said it right, ‘you want to eat the full cake, without sharing”. Leave the poor Hindu alone, please.
We highly recommend you marry to a born Muslim who is performing namaz five times a day. This way you could, “I really do want Islamic values to be strengthened in my family home. My heart wants to stay close to Islam”. It does not matter if your THIS life is in hell as far as your AFTER life is going to be in heaven.
Sum this love thing is temporary, after marriage he will tell u to bow down to his parents and elders but according to our religion, we can only bow down to our allah (SWT) right? Fake conversion is like making u his wife only for some days, he he cant convert u forever with full faith them isnt he just doing that for free sex? I don’t want to offend u sister but saying la-ilaha-illallah isnt just enough… Its like making a fake Id to buy alcohol under the age of 20. Im from canada, originally from nepal and an ex-hindu. My girlfriend showed me all those fake hopes and converted me to islam, i died everyday because of this coz i couldnt take that anymore, i wanted to be a hindu forever . But my gf left me for no reason. I decided to go back to my old religion but something in me stopped me. But i planned to find bad things about islam to tell my friends how wicked islam is, but after all those researches, all i found was the good things so i was interested in islam and after a deep research i planned to become a true muslim. And yes i am a muslim now a true one. I just dont want that guy to insult islam, im sure that whenever u guys will have any argument then he say “you converted me forcefully” or whatever but its your choice . But im sure u’ll destroy your own faith and his too and your relationship with him. May allah guide both of u to the right path.
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=8188
It’s very disturbing as a muslim male in the USA to hear about feminist views on Islam and degrade Islam and our beloved Prophet. NO WHERE in the Quran or Hadiths does it ever say to disprespect females or any human being except in the form of Jihad. Do not confuse local ethical cultures and unfortunate male chauvinistic behavior for the laws of Islam towards women. Women are to be respected as well as their beauty which is why hijabs and long outerwear is advised. Mothers are to be loved more than the father. Please take the time to read the quran and not go by local authorities where they ALONE discriminate women because they are barbaric males. every religion or country has males such as this but it is terribly sad to hear in the media what women go through from stoning, etc. It breaks my heart to know men who call themselves muslims can be so cruel. Again, for those sisters out there who say Islam is not a good religion or way of life for women, do not judge or question or doubt our Quran or hadith or Prophets because they did NOT disrepsect their wives, mothers or any women and there is nowhere that stated this either. keep an open mind and find faults on those who do harm to others male or female and let Allah be all of our judges and do what is right, what is Sunnah and what is in the Quran and hadiths. Salam.
Hi Faizal,
If your beautiful sisters or wife do not like get wrapped in the hijab, do they have liberty to wear what they wishes? Is it women’s choice or the choice is made for them by men?
Dear Admin
You will never believe what happened. So I decided to talk to my Hindu partner more about marriage. I decided that I would explore the pluralist, exclusionist topic with him…I just asked him what he would be comfortable with and what he wouldn’t. He wasn’t sure, but I think he preferred the pluralist route.
Then what happened was that he kept holding his anxieties in him and not talking to me about them. And when I would ask him about how he was feeling about the topic, he would avoid the topic..and then in a different argument he would explode and that he was angry at my parents, at this “Religion thing”.
I actually took the courage to tell my family about him, and my mother was a bit upset but my father was very calm about me saying I wanted to marry him. However, just because my mother was upset, my Hindu bf became very angry and held that resentment in himself and would bring it up whenever we were talking about other things.
This hurt me alot because I honestly thought I was doing the best I could facing this interreligious issue. I talked to my parents, read books on Hinduism, and tried to talk about how we would integrate both of our faiths.
My Hindu bf got scared I was asking him to let go of his Hinduism when I wasnt. Also, his parents told him they want the kids to be raised Hindu.
All of this created a lot of tension between us. You know I was really struggling because I wanted to get married soon and I don’t have a good relationship with my parents….all of this was weighing on me and I wanted to sort everything out with my bf. I thought that would decrease the stress. But everything I tried to do backfired, instead my Hindu bf became more stressed and would say hurtful words to me in anger. It made me worried and not valued as a partner. Furthermore, he even did a Hindu horoscope reading which said that his and my relationship would be filled with arguments because we are both strong headed people. Because of this one horoscope, he now has such a negative view of this relationship and won’t even talk to me properly. He said he needed time to think, and honestly this hurt me so much because he wasn’t consulting me as a partner.
What do I need to do to be respected as a female in a relationship? Even if I have the brains and the love, when it comes down to it, my Hindu boyfriend forgot about the fragility and importance of nurturing the bond of a relationship with your spouse.
I realized that he doesn’t cope well with stress at all. I also realized that he isn’t really interested in my religion, and that his parents have the traditional Hindu mindset and want children raised Hindu. They are actually not as liberal as they appeared.
Even more I realized that my Hindu partner didn’t turn to me with all this stress but that he turned against me. Later on he said that he didnt turn to me because he didnt want to stress me out, given what I was going through with my family, but I asked him, “is it any better when you don’t turn to me, keep it all inside, then become anxious and fearful and explode on me and damage the relationship”
This is what happened. My family won’t really be talking to me if I were to be with this Hindu guy. His family, no matter how open they look, want their grandchildren Hindu and my Hindu partner has no real interest in my religion really, and instead finds it stressful. I find it funny that his family, when they met me, the first thing they asked if if I was going to ask their son to convert. Is this the first thing people think when they see a Muslim? What about learning about me and my life first?
I am extremely heartbroken. You were right that him and his family actually aren’t open as they seemed, and that they have a fear of Islam. Furthermore, my Hindu bf isn’t happy with the relationship, and doesn’t turn to me for advice, support or solace.
Where can I go and who can I be with that will respect me as an equal partner in a relationship, who will value the bond of a relationship and marriage, who will accept and be open to all the things that are important to me? Who will think about how I AM being affected by all this more than themselves?
I am heartbroken and unclear about how to proceed.
Sorry Sum to hear of all these. The relationships goes up and down before it finds its level. All these discussion are heathy and it will help both to find out who really each others are.
We believe, for a happy interfaith marriage, both partners have to be pluralist. Further, it work out only if they are marginal religious.
On surface, every one try to pose they are moderates. However when you start talking about the religion of children by the planned marriage, all of a sudden truth comes out.
If he is looking for horoscope, he is certainly out from old times.
We hope his anger and difficulty communication are not his true nature but just temporary stressful condition.
To your question, “the first thing they asked if if I was going to ask their son to convert. Is this the first thing people think when they see a Muslim?” Answer is a big YES. It is general understanding of all non-Muslims that Muslims are absolutely exclusivist supremacists and will not tolerate a Hindu in their married life. We hope this stereo type will change by some good examples over years.
The SILOs created by religious leaders are giving pain and suffering to all dating interfaith couples. Unfortunately, youths in love during first few years don’t realize it. Only path we see is if you both are willing to keep your religion out of way and let your love give a priority; meaning no religious marriage and no religious label on children. Are you ready for it?
Sum, stay calm and try to keep communication open with the boy. If he is not compatible with you, then you will have to be ready to look for your next option. Keep in touch.
Are you really interested in knowing the theory behind pluralism and exclusivism? these things will really help you to decide further .
Hi Sum,
What is the strength of Islam, I could not follow from the heading.
Islam is known for its evil strengths against females and non believers. While other religions are modified their hardcore principles, but the Islam is propagating new evil practices against females, like SEX WITH DEAD WIFE, NO HIGHER EDUCATION FOR FEMALES, NO DRIVING PERMISSION FOR FEMALES. RECENTLY ONE MORE BILL HAS BEEN PASSED AGAINST FEMALES, WHICH IS SUBMITTED HEREUNDER:-
In Iran, a bill has been passed allowing male guardians to marry their adopted girls aged 13 and below, if the court decided it was in the interest of the girl. If this bill is approved by the country’s Guardian Council, it will become law. The Guardian Council is a 12-member council in Iran which wields immense power. No legislation can be accepted without its approval. The old men of the Guardian Council with their white beards and wrinkled skins seem to be eager to start a second ‘youth’ in their old age by legalizing pedophilia and sexual abuse of minor girls and thus promoting the concept of incest. A very disgusting scenario indeed. Iran is fast going along the path of Saudi Arabia. Be it Shiias or Sunnis, neither can resist acting outright despicable because of their dependency on the distortions of Hadith.
An Iranian human rights’ activist stated that discreet incidents of incest exist in Iran as in all other parts of the world. But such a law would legalize it, making it official.
Hi readers,
Here is cruelty of muslim old age grooms against their younger bride.
A 13-year-old Yemeni child bride who bled to
death shortly after marriage was tied down and forced to have sex
by her husband, according to interviews with the child’s mother,
police and medical reports.
The girl’s mother, Nijma Ahmed, 50, told the Associated Press that
before her daughter lost consciousness, she said that her husband
had tied her up and forced himself on her. “She looked like she
was butchered,” she said about her daughter’s injuries.
Elham Assi, 13, bled to death hours after she spoke to her mother
and just days after she was married to a 46-year-old man. She
died on April 2 in the deeply poor Yemeni village of Shueba, some
200 kilometers northwest of the capital.
The practice of marrying young girls is widespread in Yemen
where a quarter of all females marry before the age of 15, according
to a 2009 report by the country’s Ministry of Social Affairs.
Traditional families prefer young brides because they are seen as
more obedient and are expected to have more children.
Legislation to ban child brides has been stalled by opposition
from religious leaders. There has been no government comment
over the case.
The girl — one of eight siblings — was pushed into marriage after
an agreement between her brother and her future-husband to
marry each other’s sisters to avoid having to pay expensive
bride-prices — a common arrangement in Yemen, the poorest
country in the Middle East.
According to police notes from the interrogation of the husband,
he was upset because he could not consummate their relationship
and felt under pressure to prove his manhood.
Assi’s mother said she also tried to persuade her daughter to have
sex with her husband so as not to shame the family.
Al-Hikmi took his young bride to a nearby medical clinic, asking
a doctor there to administer her tranquilizers so she would not
resist his advances. The clinic said it refused.
Al-Hikmi then obtained performance enhancing pills, according
to the police interrogation, and that night completed the act while
she screamed.
The next day, he returned to the same medical clinic carrying
Assi because she could not walk.
“I told him not to go near her for at least ten days,” said Dr. Fathiya
Haidar. She said Assi’s vaginal canal was ripped.
A forensic report obtained by the AP showed that Assi’s injuries were
much more extensive, including extensive tearing around the vagina
and rectum, suggesting that there might have been additional
intercourse after the clinic visit.
Her mother said she visited Assi later that day, where she found her
daughter fading in and out of consciousness.
“She whispered in my ear that he had tied her up and had sex with
her violently,” she said. “I said to her husband, what have you done,
you criminal?”
She said al-Hikmi told her that the young bride was just possessed
by spirits and said he would take her to a folk healer to cast them
out. Hours later, Assi was dead.
“She asked me to stay beside her,” her mother said.
The practice of marrying young girls is widespread in Yemen
and has drawn the attention of international rights groups seeking
to pressure the government to outlaw child marriages.
“Early marriage places girls at increased risk of dropping out of school,
being exposed to violence, abuse and exploitation, and even losing
their lives from pregnancy, childbirth and other complications,” said
UNICEF’s regional director Sigrid Kaag, in a statement Wednesday
condemning the death.
A February 2009 law set the minimum age for marriage at 17, but it
was repealed and sent back to parliament’s constitutional committee
for review after some lawmakers called it un-Islamic. The committee
is expected to make a final decision on the legislation this month.
The issue of Yemen’s child brides received widespread attention
three years ago when an 8-year-old girl boldly went by herself to
a courtroom and demanded a judge dissolve her marriage to a man
in his 30s. She eventually won a divorce.
In September, a 12-year-old Yemeni child-bride died after struggling
for three days in labor to give birth, a local human rights organization said.
Associated Press Writer Diaa Hadid contributed to this report from Cairo.
Source: AP
Sum,
Are you a type of person who is taught to please all and be a “nice” girl? Don’t do it because you will never be able to please all. Let us give you two situations to explain it.
If your boss, Bob, at work comes and tell you to do 10 additional tasks, don’t say “yes” to Bob. That is because if you could complete only 9 tasks or 90% good job, he is going to get upset at you. Instead tell him “no” and politely give justifications that you have X, Y and Z priorities. Instead ask Bob to help you prioritize your work. In the end, even you complete only 5 tasks, Bob will appreciate your efforts.
A story: There was a lion who was killing village people. One day a priest explain him why it is important to be nice to all. Six months later, when the priest came back to town, he saw that the lion lost weight, some kids were pulling his tail and others were beating him with sticks. The priest now explain to him that in self defense, at least he could roar and scare the kids off.
Take home message to “obedient” type girl is … don’t try to please your parents, Muslim community, Hindu in-laws, husband, children, boss, etc. Sometimes, you have to do that is right for you, yourself, in greater good.
Don’t dance at other’s tune, especially in an interfaith marriage where there will be opposing tunes playing the same time.
Dear Admn.
You are beating around the bush and not giving relevant points and logics to justify criminality, evil character of islam.
There is hardly any country which has not faced islamic evils in the form of Jihad, Fatwa, terrorists activities now a days. India, Pakistan, Afganistan, Iraq, Libya,Israel, Kuwait, Yemen, Egypt, Yemen, Sudan, Bangladesh, Burma, even China, Russia,USA, France, Spain, Germany, Australia, Indonesia, every where these bastards are creating havoc. No islamic mulla, maulvi, imam ever condemn such activities, rather they preach in the madarasas, openly terrorist activities in the name of Islam.
Hi everyone,
I understand that some of you may have had bad experierexperiernces with muslims where you may have felt their views were imposed on you, or you have seen things in the media about Islamic extremists. I don’t think its productive to get caught in the details of the acts of those people. Islam has wonderful and important teachings and strengths which can be helpful to Humans which I think we all get distracted from understanding.
Furthermore, as far as women are concerned, I agree that there needs to be a stronger sisterhood formed in Islam which is based on moderate values-to represent those who are not so traditional but still try to follow islam without feeling a sense of guilt. I have not found such a group tytyo exist. Also there are many religions or cultures that oppress women, not just islam. Women have always been placed in lower power positions regardless of the religion.
I don’t think focusing on extremists in islam is going to solve any problems. the more muslims are judged and feel misdunderstood the more there will be extreme cases. Islam needs to be understood and respected apart from the influence of extremists. Christianity went through a similar challenge before it evolved into different denominations. I believe needs a reformation but one that still maintains its sanctity and original message without distractions.
And I agree that perhaps women could be the ones to speak out about this but when they are responded to, islam still needs to be respected and not misunderstood, or else they may not make the shift.
Dear Sabnam,
You have raised a very fundamental point which every body should think about. How can Islam be a great religion in its present belief system? Those who say it a great religion, just want to be politically correct without thinking what could be its impact on the females of this world. Islam with Muhammad, is a mechanism to enslave the women folk by the males.
It’s something all the sensible people – males and females, Muslims and non-Muslims should think about for the good of humanity. It’s time people should be educated about Muhammad and free Islam from the clutches of Muhammad. As long as Muhammad is part and parcel of Islam, it’s a nightmare for the women and non-Muslims.
I request all the women to come together and establish bring about a new Islam where women will be considered prophets and Imams, Maulavis etc. and only Allah will be worshiped without Muhammad.
May Allah bring that day when the Muslim women will be freed from the physical and emotional enslavement of Muhammad and his present stooges.
Dear Admn.
How do you say that Islam is a great religion?
Is it because of criminal ideology, training openly terrorists in the name of religion, preaching 72 virgins for them, disrespecting females through sex, mutta marriages, halala, hymn repair concept, female genital mutiliation, burqa, tripple talak concepts, 4 witnesses needed to seek justice by a female, sex with dead wife, domestic violence,testimony of female just half of males, kill non muslims, sex with slave girls, no higher education and no driving permission in some countries, keep 4 wives, in madarasas open training of terrorists, rape and sodomy?
Is there any religion in the world now a days, who discriminates so badly poor females?
Can you please justify your statement with logics?
Dear Sum,
It appears that your BF and his parents are very cooperative and liberal. Why do you worry about your Islam, which is very cruel and discriminatory against females, no respect for them, just sexual object, no security of married life, any time of threat of tripple talak prevailing, genital mutiliation, bringing any time other wives, mutta marriages and halala practices.
There is hardly any religion as on today in the world that discriminates and treats women so badly.
Hi Sum,
Nice to know that you are both 28 years old and working too.
Financial independence is necessary in case of interfaith marriages.
If your BF,s parents are agreeing to marry under islamic practices,
for the sake of happiness of you and their son, it is a great.
After marriage with your Hindu husband, you will be happy, as Hindu husbands are liberal, educative and adjusting. You will lead a blissful and respectable life including maintaining your job also, which may be a problem in case of marrying in your own community, where all sorts of restrictions are imposed on the married women,to be in burqa, not to do job etc, movement with husband only.
Have a nice time. May God bless you.
Dear Sum,
I empathise with you. Keep trust on
Allah and everything will be for your betterment. Allah is supreme and whatever strength you have derived so far is from Him, nothing else. So, if you define Islam as worshipping Allah, there won’t be any problem even on other galaxies or countries. However, you cannot have peace if you have any middleman such as Muhammad between you and Allah. Just think it over and over again – Does the supreme Allah need the crutches of his own creation – self proclaimed prophets!
I cannot share my love for Allah to sel proclaimed middlemen prophets especially those whose last ten uears of life has passed in gratifying their sensual pleasures! So Shahada must be only ‘La ilaha allallaha’ – nothing beyond this.
This part of shahada unites the world while the traditinally second part create divisions.
Finally, I pray to Allah for everybody’s happiness including you and your parents.
Furthermore I should add my parents would disown me if there wasnt a muslim wedding, which I wouldn’t be happy with. My boyfriend and his parents have agreed to the wedding conversion because they have acknowledged that its important to me and my parents. We are trying to compromise so all parties are considered. I will just not have that conviction and exclusivity which would have to be my sacrifice if if I chose to be with him.
Dear Sum,
Interfaith marriages are always tough. This forum will provide you an opportunity to be prepared for the worst. It is possible that people may say any thing here, but you reply cool and calm. Assume that you are already married and now your relatives (Hindu and Muslim) are making sarcastic comments. Take this as a training ground!
You are lucky that he and his parents are willing to do all to please you. Considering they are open minded, is he going to circumcised for the wedding? Did he picked a Muslim name necessary for the Nikaah? Will all your children have Arabic names? Will all children get circumcised and raised as Muslims? You know that if these are not done, your parents are not going to be happy.
Dear admin,
I do agree that voicing my thoughts here on this forum is a good idea to understand some challenges and benefits I would experience in an interfaith marriage. My bf and I haven’t discussed details of the nikaah – this conversation is something that sparked very recently. I don’t think he is comfortable with all the terms of nikaah but this is something that needs to be discussed more deeply soon. I think he is looking for a modified version and this is why I felt a bit concerned. I myself would agree to joining him and his family during rituals because I think that its only fair that I respect his customs if he is looking to share mine.
I can move towards incorporating his traditions but I need to see that he truly acknowledges one God Allah. I just don’t know right now what I need to be firm on and what I would accommodate and how to be at peace with my choices. I have gotten so emotionally deep in this relationship that its hard to let go and I’m 28 I just want to get married and move on.
Also even if I were to find someone else, a Muslim, I feel so exhausted starting a relationship again. I work everyday 8 hours, have to manage housework, I don’t have so much energy to keep trying to talk these things out with everyone. I wanted to have a child atleast in my early 30s and I feel like all these complications is going to stop me from achieving my dreams, a home, children, peaceful life to focus on my career. Im just so frustrated because everytime I try to discuss the interreligious marriage with my parents or partner, I just feel overwhelmed.
Thank you for listening / reading.
Sum,
You are always welcome here to vent your frustration.
Religions have created SILOs among youths and thus you guys are suffering. Read Seema‘s horrible situation, it is just toooo painful.
The first generation parents are also confused. First they came to the West and no more following their own faith (Hindu or Muslim). Parents like drinks, dancing, freedom, not perfuming namaz or going to temple every day and are mad after dollars. However, when comes to children, they wish to impose religion the way it was back home in old days. Shame on them!
Within-faith or interfaith couples have to do that is reasonable, and not just to please parents. Many times, parents are making hell even in within faith marriages too (read Meera verses Margaret).
If you marry to a true Muslim guy, it is possible that he could wave Koran on your face every day and teach you all Sharia laws for how a Muslim wife is suppose to behave. To find an open minded educated Muslim guy will also be a challenge. 45.1% of Muslim girls in America marry to non-Muslim, why?
Why you said, “one God Allah”. Is it not God = Allah = Isvar = Lord God = Father God? Are you trying to say God as described by Muhammad in Koran only? If you decide to go for an interfaith marriage, it would be good, if you can, to separate the middle man from Allah.
Sum, lets say Allah Himself show up right in front of you and tell you that “Sum, I have made you educated and intelligent, why can’t you think on your own for what is right and wrong? Go do that your heart desires. I have My blessings.” What would you do?
Dear admin,
The articles you referenced in this post were very helpful, especially meera vs Margaret. This article really illustrates the catch 22 I face When it comes to the parentasparental and in law factor. I am very uncomfortable with the expectations and lack of appreciation in within faith marriages – especially for women. What I love about within faith marriages though is the sense of togetherness of common cultures. I wish I had the answer for what is right for me, both short and long term. With this indecision it seems I’ll never get married!:(
And yes I do think a lot about others and I have very high expectations of myself to be successful whether it may be in marriage, career or family , which makes it all the more confusing to know which path to choose, because as you know when it comes to others, people tend to be quick to speak and make judgments as opposed to really understanding others..
In the west here, the day to day work life demands tend to become more of the focus than family (generally speaking) and that’s why I feel more concerned about this topic too. I would like to create a platform in my life for positive relationships.
Sometimes I think I should just make the most out of what I have and work with my bf and what I have and go with the flow and work things out ass they come. Other times I think I need to think ahead and try to make decisions that will prevent issues in the future. I feel that I both can and can’t predict or control what’s ahead. Perhaps if I age more before I marry I’ll know the answer but then again this is the time to enjoy married life and its fruits. This situation has got me aged to 60 years with all the thinking I do about it 🙁
I wonder what it is that I’m supposed to do.
Sum
Sum,
You are not alone suffering from this man-made religions and silo created between human beings. More you think with open mind, more you will realize that there is some problem with it.
Ask your parents to propose you Muslim boys for next six months and seriously consider them. If you do come across an appropriate person, go for him. Thus there is no religious conflicts in your married life.
Whomever you marry, make sure he (and his family) is educated and a decent human being. You cannot teach these things to your husband, he has to be that way to start. Religious rituals and beliefs can be incorporated as far as you (and he) do not be too fanatic about it.
Start preparing your parents that you may consider out of faith marriage. They have to be mentally be prepared for it. It take time.
What ever you do, please keep in touch. We wish you the best.
DearSum
How old are you and your BF?
Are you both working?
There are couples who are maintaining their own religion even after marriage.
Hi Sheena,
Yes we are both working. We are both 28 years old. We both live with our parents, and we both are the oldest in our families.
This is absolutely true, what you are saying about the Hindu pluralist mind and Islamic exclusivity. I do value open mindedness but I know that Islam’s exclusivity is what has strengthened will power in me to have overcome many challenges, and keep a straight path in life. My fear is that lessening the “power” of exclusivity will lessen the confidence and strength I feel as a Muslim. I am feeling much inner conflict because of this. However I have had many experiences in my past where I faced “judgmental” attitudes in the Islamic community which in the past made me feel as if I didn’t completely belong. My father experienced difficulties facing cultural conflicts when my family came to Canada which placed a lot of pressure on me growing up. These experiences have led me to value open mindedness and heart understanding, and empathy more than dogma of Religion. However living in Canada poses many challenges itself in being able to transmit Islamic values to subsequent generations. That is why I feel especially concerned. I am currently confused and have been suffering many years trying to figure out how to be a Muslim in today’s society in a manner which does not exclude or judge others but also maintains the ultimate belief that Islam does offer a straight path.
Dear Sum,
You have done a superb job narrating your views. That shows that you are an intellectual and a thinker. We would love to work with you on this site for years to come.
Do not think we know any better than you. We are confused for who is God and what is right and wrong. That is why we have made this web site to vent our frustration.
You feel strength in your exclusivity, while we feel strength in pluralism. We do not feel threatened by exclusivists, especially in this age of free communication. Believe us, every day more and more people in the West are becoming pluralists or atheist.
Sum, you feel strength from Islam, however you need to know that if you were born to Christian or Buddhist parents, today you would be defending that religion. Religion is something installed into us by our surroundings.
Now explain to us why you said, “He will convert for the wedding”. Is that rational, logical, ethical and fair on your part to ask your lover to give up his birth religion? Are you doing this to please GOD or to please your imam or you are simply selfish?
I don’t believe its selfish to ask him to convert for the wedding because otherwise it wouldn’t be possible to have an Islamic wedding in the eyes of God, and if I wasn’t able to have an Islamic wedding I wouldn’t be able to validate my marriage. Because I agree to participate in a hindu ceremony as well which requires me to do what is against Islam, I believe its only fair if he does what he needs to do for a muslim wedding. In other words if I am going to take a step “backward” in my religion
Its only fair he take a step forward in mine. Relationships are about compromise, this is the basic of what I would need to feel my identity and values are respected by my partner. I know I cannot expect him to have passion for islam, and I don’t. Its just painful though to not feel I can share the same religious path as my partner. I would be alone in my beliefs and would my children, especially growing up in Canada and an interreligious household be able to understand? What about all the work my parents did to instill religion in children? At the same time, im only adapting to my circumstances, I have made the choices I have because of who I am and what I have felt I had to do to survive. what also adds to this is the fact that I’m a women which I feel limits me in a number of ways in the situation. I hope that I, and you can find the answers we are looking for.
How come your being part of a Hindu wedding is a step “backward” while his religious conversion to Islam for Nikaah is a step “forward”? Why not both steps are forward (towards pluralism).
Allah is watching exactly what you are doing. Allah told in Koran exactly how should you deal with Hindus. Instead of that, you are being ready to be a part of Hindu wedding ceremony where multiple Gods and Goddess will be invoked from heaven, water and earth. Are you convened at all?
Its a step backward because its specifically noted in islam that I can’t be part of a hindu wedding but nowhere does it say in Hinduism that a hindu would be condemned for participating in a Muslim wedding (at least that I know of). Also step backwards in the eyes of my social positioning as a Muslim woman in Islamic society- this kind of community view doesn’t affect my bf who identifies more as Canadian. I have more traditional parents and upbringing, and I was also not born in Canada. I dont devalue my bf or his religion. Hinduism has its own uniqueness which I appreciate. Before ii met my bf I took many classes on hinduism, practised yoga and had an interest in astrology, not to mention I had Hindu beighbours growing up whom I used to imitate (wearing bindis etc). There is no hatred towards hinduism, just me trying to exist within an Islamic community and still maintain an Islamic identity because to abandon that, I would feel lost.
I would be OK with my bf joining his family for Hindu rituals if he wanted to. My struggle is how I can pass on Islam if an interreligious household won’t hold the same emphasis on religion that same faith households might have. Even if my kids wanted to learn about hinduism and other religions I would be okay with that, but I want to give them the blessing of at least experiencing the strong will power many Muslims have about their religion- that devotion. I am an open person but somewhere in this I would like to pass soon Islam but how?
Also what is interesting is that my bf doesn’t believe in more than 1 God, he only believes in one God, yet he wouldn’t feel Comfortable naming that one God Allah. And no matter which Gods are invoked during the ceremony, I don’t feel fear because I know there is only one, and nothing can shake that.Isn’t it so strange how all this works?
When you say, “I would be OK with my bf joining his family for Hindu rituals if he wanted to”, does it mean only he will join and you will not be part of various Hindu rituals? As you know Hindus have Satya Narayan Katha, Holi, Diwali, Krishna Jayanti, etc and your new Hindu family will wish you to put on a sari and bindi (like you did in your childhood) and go to a temple. Will you feel comfortable with that? How your parents and Muslim community will view it?
We are glad we have all these discussion and thus there will be less surprise for you later. However, don’t assume all what your bf is saying you today. Love is blind but marriage eyes open up. “Religion” is lowest in minds at 20s, but as one ages, it comes back. We have concern that your pluralist bf may not be as open as you as you are interpreting him (read Dee and Vikas). CAN YOU ASK HIM TO JOIN HERE ON THIS BLOG? It will help both make fully informed decision.