Puja to Srinivas says: March 4, 2013 at 10:55 am
I was born into a practicing Hindu family and was raised in the U.S.A. I grew up spending mass amounts of time at the temple and found many parts of the religion beautiful. Today, I am not really a practicing Hindu but expect that I will become slightly more religious as I’m older. I have avoided dating outside of my religion my entire life due to respecting my parent’s wishes as well as what you have outlined above however after dating many Hindu guys, I was not able to find someone suited for myself.
It has now been 2 years since I started seeing my best friend from H.S. who comes from a Muslim background. He himself is not religious and we share equal views (be a good person and good things shall follow). We are both, kind generous and charitable. His mother is the only practicing member of the household and his parents are very accepting of our relationship. However, I know that this news will break my father’s heart but I truly believe I am making the right decision to marry my bf and would love if they could partake in my life’s decision.
I believe that my parents were raised around others who were taught everything you have outlined above and so I don’t blame them for their opinion but wish that they would realize that one GOD has created each human being, and we should all coexist.
I am extremely against the Islamic definition of marriage (accepting Allah as the almighty). Marriage is a sacred union of hearts and minds. Nothing about this ceremony should be forced. I was willing to do a nikkah if his parents would like us to however Islam will not recognize it as a true marriage since I will not convert so I don’t believe this will happen.
My bf agrees to do the Hindu ceremony. In terms of our children, since neither I or him attend the temple or mosque I don’t believe this will be an issue however I would like to make them aware of not just these two but ALL religions and practice as they wish. If I choose to go to the mandir later in life, I will also take them with me sometimes to give them the experience.
Can you please share any unbiased opinion and advice including topics of children, marriage ceremony, etc? -Puja
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Admin says:
Puja, you asked for an unbiased advise, how about if we lay all information in front of you and you make a decision that is right for you?
Unfortunately, you yourself are now biased and have reduced your capacity to make a rational decision. Now you are in “LOVE” and thus you will hear only what you want to hear and ignore obvious warning signs.
In general, people like novelty and that is why get attracted to people not their type (read 10 points of dating). The grass is always green on the other side. You may not like Hindu guys and many Muslim girls may not have liked your Muslim boy friend. They (Muslim girls) know all issues Islamic women have to face (read Islamic Women Today and Hymen Replacement Surgery), but you don’t. On the other side, those Muslim girls will get attracted to a pluralistic Hindu guy, but may not know issues in Hindu communities.
Marriages are made in heaven, but many (70%?) end in divorces in the West. The divorce costs lots more than the marriage!!
Are we here to discourage you? Lets hope not. We hope, in year 2050, you will come back to thank us for helping you make the best decision of your life, even that decision was to marry your Muslim bf.
Are they Muslims? First, don’t pose yourself as an open minded and who is ready to accept all Islamic traditions, etc. Always promise less but produce more. Tell him that you are a religious Hindu. Ask him to join you to a Hindu temple and observe his comfort level; if he is any less than what SRK could do, take it as a serious warning sign. Further, tell his parents clearly that your children will not have circumcision, Arabic names or a ritual to formally announce them Muslims; and see if they are still, as you said, “(they)are very accepting of our relationship.” Here, we are not asking Muslims to do any thing that they are not suppose to, but you have a right to find truth.
How much Muslim they are? No two Muslims are same (read Salman). Please read all 30 points that a “true” Muslim suppose to follow. Now print the list on a separate paper and write down your expectations (yes/no). Then ask him to give rebuttals. When you both agreed in writing, then present it to both sets of parents in writing. This is called “informed” decision. It will be painful, but we rather see you take pain now than after marriage (even worst, after child birth).
Honesty is the best policy. Inform him that you have blogged on this site and ask him to share his views.
Do not get scared of this list of 30 points above. If he is in America and if he is not religious, probably none of these will apply. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. –Admin.
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Hello Puja,
I apprehend that now it is your turn to face disgraceful life with horrors of tortures, beating, insulting and restrictions.
Be aware, if married you will not survive more than 5 years.
Only God can save you from inevitable danger hovering on your head,
being the good sense you have lost.
Millions of thanks to Mr. Admn.
I married my budhdhist BF, very caring and loving. Marriage solemnized as per budhdhist customs and lateron marriage registered legally. I am not converted and following good things of islam and also budhdhist principles of non violence and peace.
Regarding my sister, she never saw any happy day from the first day of marriage. On the morning of wedding night, bed sheet of blood stains was displayed for inspection by family members. Lateron she came to know that her husband was already married with some one and her virginity was confirmed. Even then, all sorts of restrictions were put on her, always in burqa even in hot temp.,her husband having sexual relations with his cousins and whenever she objected, she was beaten mercilessly. She sustained many inuries and no treatment was given and ultimately due to starvation, mal nutrition food and no help from neighbours, one day she collapsed and died.
Considering all such tortures in her married life, I did not marry in muslim community and preferred to marry my BF. My inlaws are very kind and generous. I enjoy all sorts of freedom to work and move.
Reply to Aafrah at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4648
Hi readers,
One of the beliefs that emerges from the Koran is the concept of virgins. These virgins reside at the gates of heaven. The Koran further says that these virgins who are referred as houris or hurs will be the reward to the faithful who have spent a lifetime in service of Allah. Chapters 52 to 56 of the Koran mention about these virgins. The Koran only mentions about these virgins,but does not specify any number.
This lacuna is filled by the Hadiths, which specify that the reward for a true follower of Islam will be rewarded with 72 virgins as wived. The Hadiths are the recorded words of Muhammad and also have great religious significance. The Hadiths which are six in number were compiled about 200 years after the death of the Prophet. Thus the importance of the Hadiths cannot be underrated. The Hadiths are supposed to be the exact quotations of the prophet.
The Koran describes the houris. They are very beautiful and fair. They are perpetual virgins and have the god given quality of regenerating their hymens after intercourse. The houris are also buxom and breasts that do not sag. They are hairless except for eyebrows and head. They are reward for the faithful, who have either been martyred or spent a life time obeying the injunctions of Allah. Houris await the faithful at the gates of Paradise. The Hadiths mention that the sweat of these virgins has the smell of musk and they will give eternal love and satisfaction. They will be in addition to the wives on this earth. The Koran also mentions that an unspecified number of boys will also be rewarded to the true believers.
This belief in the Houris and the boys as sacred and cannot be questioned. This concept of the houris is a tremendous motivating influence in Islam.
Hello Puja,
Admn. has rightly pointed out that you do not know the other side of the coin. You appear innocent and misguided by your BF. In fact in Koran, if a muslim has to lie to convert non-muslim to muslim that is not a sin but great service to the islam. You do not know how the muslim male change colours after marriage and how they put restrictions on the females. There are a number of evils of islam, which our learned sisters have been pointing out on this blog.Proving virginity, female genital(circumcision), burqa, domestic violence, forcing non muslim to eat Beef and husband allowed to keep another 3 wives, are all described in the koran. Muslim males are cruel, barbaric, inhuman like so called Prophet, who did not spare 9 year old girl, like his grand daughter to rape in the name of marriage. Islam is a religion of bloodshed, murder, terror, rape culture, killing innocents.
I know islamic practices. My sister faced miserable life and ultimately died one day. I have married a budhdhist guy.Very happy with him. Have a deep thought and I am sure one day you will be in deep trouble if you married a muslim BF.
Reply to Afrah at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4648
Afrah,
Can you share more about your love relationships with Buddhist? What did you liked or don’t like about Buddhism?
Can you shed more light on your sister? It will be painful to elaborate more on “My sister faced miserable life and ultimately died one day” but it will help other youths.
We hope you will come back again and again to guide youths.
Hi Puja,
You know, about FGM in Muslim communities.
Female genital mutilation (sometimes referred to as female circumcision) refers to procedures that intentionally alter or cause injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons . Muslim society in the name of religion.. The practice is illegal in the UK.
It has been estimated that over 20,000 girls under the age of 15 are at risk of female genital mutilation (FGM) in the UK each year, and that 66,000 women in the UK are living with the consequences of FGM. However, the true extent is unknown due to the ‘hidden’ nature of the crime.
The girls may be taken to their countries of origin so that FGM can be carried out during the summer holidays, allowing them time to ‘heal’ before they return to school. There are also worries that some girls may have FGM performed in the UK.
Forms of mutilation
FGM is usually carried out on young girls between infancy and age 15, most commonly before puberty starts.
The procedure is traditionally carried out by a woman with no medical training. Anaesthetics and antiseptic treatments are not generally used and the practice is usually carried out using knives, scissors, scalpels, pieces of glass or razor blades. Girls may have to be forcibly restrained.
There are four main types of FGM:
Type 1 – clitoridectomy – removing part or all of the clitoris.
Type 2 – excision – removing part or all of the clitoris and the inner labia (lips that surround the vagina), with or without removal of the labia majora (larger outer lips).
Type 3 – infibulation – narrowing of the vaginal opening by creating a seal, formed by cutting and repositioning the labia.
Other harmful procedures to the female genitals, which include pricking, piercing, cutting, scraping and burning the area.
Effects of FGM
There are no health benefits to FGM. Removing and damaging healthy and normal female genital tissue interferes with the natural functions of girls’ and women’s bodies.
Immediate effects
severe pain
shock
bleeding
wound infections, including tetanus and gangrene, as well as blood-borne viruses such as HIV, hepatitis B and hepatitis C
inability to urinate
injury to vulval tissues surrounding the entrance to the vagina
damage to other organs nearby, such as the urethra (where urine passes) and the bowel
FGM can sometimes cause death.
Long-term consequences
chronic vaginal and pelvic infections
abnormal periods
difficulties passing urine and persistent urine infections
kidney impairment and possible kidney failure
damage to the reproductive system, including infertility
cysts and the formation of scar tissue
complications in pregnancy and newborn deaths
pain during sex and lack of pleasurable sensation
psychological damage, including low libido, depression and anxiety (see below)
flashbacks during pregnancy and childbirth
the need for later surgery to open the lower vagina for sexual intercourse and childbirth
Psychological and mental health problems
Case histories and personal accounts taken from women indicate that FGM is an extremely traumatic experience for girls and women, which stays with them for the rest of their lives.
Young women receiving psychological counselling in the UK report feelings of betrayal by parents, regret and anger.
The legal situation
FGM is illegal in the UK. It is also illegal to arrange for a child to be taken abroad for FGM. If caught, offenders face a large fine and a prison sentence of up to 14 years.
What you can do
If you are worried about someone who is at risk of FGM or has had FGM, you must share this information with social care or the police. It is then their responsibility to investigate and protect any girls or women involved.
See the Useful links, right, for contact information.
Health professionals
If you are a health or social care professional who may come into contact with girls and women at risk of FGM, you can read the Multi-Agency Practice Guidelines on Female Genital Mutilation (HMG 2011) (PDF, 1.63Mb).
These guidelines contain detailed advice and guidance in relation to the protection of girls who may be at risk of FGM, as well as the care and treatment of women who have already undergone FGM.
Other useful resources are listed in the Useful links, right.
Surgical “reversal”
Surgery can be performed to open up the lower vagina. This is sometimes called “reversal”, although it cannot restore sensitive tissue that has been removed.
Surgery may be necessary for women who are unable to have intercourse as the vagina is too narrow. In addition, some pregnant women who have had FGM will need to have their lower vagina opened up before labour to allow a safer birth.
FGM increases the risk of the vagina tearing during delivery, which causes damage and can lead to heavy bleeding. It can also increase the risk of the baby dying during, or just after birth.
Surgery is best performed before pregnancy, or at least within the second trimester of pregnancy (between about 12 and 36 weeks).
Some women may be reluctant to undergo reversal until labour starts, because this may be normal practice in their country of origin. The Royal College of Nursing 2006 guidelines (PDF, 1.03Mb) offer advice on this.
Surgery involves making a careful incision along the scar tissue that has closed up the entrance to the vagina, to expose the underlying vagina.
Adequate pain relief is essential – the procedure is usually performed under local anaesthetic in the outpatient clinic. However, a small number of women will need either a general or spinal anaesthetic (injection in the back), which would normally involve a one-day stay in hospital.
Where does FGM happen?
FGM is prevalent in Africa, the Middle East and Asia.
In the UK, FGM tends to occur in areas with larger populations of communities who practice FGM, such as first-generation immigrants, refugees and asylum seekers. These areas include London, Cardiff, Manchester, Sheffield, Northampton, Birmingham, Oxford, Crawley, Reading, Slough and Milton Keynes.
Why is it done?
FGM is carried out for cultural, religious and social reasons within families and communities in islamic countries.
For example, it is often considered a necessary part of raising a girl properly, and as a way to prepare her for adulthood and marriage. FGM is often motivated by the belief that it is beneficial for the girl or woman. Many communities believe it will reduce a woman’s libido and discourage sexual activity before marriage.
Puja you will loose your CLITORIS by marrying a muslim guy.
Hi Zainab,
You have rightedly pointed out islamic evils that Puja is ignoring to accept.
Let her jump in to fire and she will realize when she will have no point of return. Even Koran so many evils have been propagated against females. Females have no freedom in the islam.
Either she has to repair her hymen for wedding night sex to bleed or she will be thrown next day.
Hi, this is the poster’s bf.
My parents are mulsim, however they are open minded and not very religious. My mother observes ramadan every year, she does not eat pork, she does not wear a burqka or hijab, she does not pray 5 times a day, etc. My dad is “less” muslim than her.
My gf and I are both open to religions. We are more concerned with being good people with good moral values who are happy in life.
Admin –
– Why do you assume the children will not be circumcised? Because we do plan on circumcising…
– We don’t care for the name to be arabic, if it is a name we like a lot and it is arabic then so be it. But we are open to all names.
– We have no intention of a ritual to announce that they are Muslim and I do not expect my parents to have any such expectations
Zainab –
– I can’t even begin to reply to your post because almost every point you brought up is ridiculous. No one is forcing anyone to eat anything they don’t want. No one is beating or torturing anyone. Where do you get these things from?!?!
Thanks!
Zainab,
Excellent that we are connected. You and Puja are free to do what ever you wish; even Puja wishes to convert to Islam, that is her choice and we will be happy. We are here to help you both make an “informed” decision, that’s all.
Is it true that you are not “religious”? Probably that is why you are saying that this list of 30 does not apply in your case, you do not care for arabic names for children, you do not mind being a part of Hindu wedding, and probably don’t mind going to a Hindu temple and doing pooja like SRK and Amrita’s husband Salman.
Puja, you have no reason to be concerned and you will have ever lasting secular married life (like Amrita, and nothing less). It is good that Zainab is a “pluralist” and willing to live Interfaith married life with equality of two faiths.
For circumcision, when there is no major scientific merit to it, why will you want it? We hope you are not superstitious. Let the child decide when he is at age 21 or when several physicians say your child has medical defect needing surgery. Fair?
Puja and Zainab, we hope to work with you and looking forward to talking more. Best wishes.
Hi Puja,
You will repent later on when:-
(i) you will have show virginity proof on wedding night with blood stains on the bed sheets,
(ii) you will undergo genital mutiliation,
(iii) you will be forced to eat beaf,
(iv) you will be treated just sex doll and your husand keeping another 3 wives and one day kicking you,
(iv) you will be forced to wear burqka from day one of the marriage.
(v) your movements will be restricted, no freedom personally,
(vi) you will be beaten and lead a torturous life.
Choice is yours and if you still wish, jump in the fire.
Hope good sense will prevail on you.
Srinivas says: April 12, 2012 at 5:28 pm
[Reproduced from https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=1215&cpage=1#comment-27238%5D
[Srinivas’ web site: http://knowing-islamic-doctrines.blogspot.in/ ]
Hindu girls !
I am not a Hindu.
But I can say that Hindu girls do get lot of freedom from parents. I equally accept that they do not get complete freedom in choosing their life partners. I hope it changes slowly.
Why do girls have to make such decisions? You are born in to Hindu culture. It is equally your responsibility to nurture this civilization which faced massive onslaught from Islamic imperialism.
The history we studied is sanitized. Here the point is not past but future.
As I said Islam is imperialism, this is lesser word to describe, it always wants to climb on to other cultures. It can never co-exist with others on mutual respect and equal terms. It wants to dominate. With this, every rule in Islam is designed to make this domination real.
So, I suggest to Hindu girls, know a bit about Islam before you jump. Do not be fooled by Bollywood. We all have a stake in future which should be free and secular; right now Islam has become the greatest threat to freedom and peace.
If educated girls just go away like that, I am not sure how Hindu civilization will sustain itself.
If any one wants to discuss with me on this, they are most welcome.