Nitin says: September 6, 2016
Hi Admin:
I would also like to tell you about my sad marriage.. My name is Nitin i am hindu .. I married christian girl 18 months back, my wife was also hindu but she had changed her religion 3 years back. Before marriage she had kept one condition before me that she will continue to follow her religion only and will not do anything of my religion, i accepted her condition, thinking that humanity is first, but after marriage the problems started, my wife is an government servant & i am working in an Pvt ltd company. My wife has ego about her job, she started to keep back to back condition on me, which was not accepted to me. In 18 months of our marriage my wife had stayed with me for hardly 8-9 months.
Now we had blessed with a baby girl in last month, so i told my wife that i want to do pooja for our baby as per hindu religion. My wife did not allow me to do the pooja and she started to say your religion is not good and she will not allow to do any thing like this future also for the baby. Please help me in this situation should i go for divorce or there will be any other way for this. Please help me please…. -Nitin
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Hello good morning,
Dear Nitin,
I am very sorry to hear about the happenings in your marriage. Firstly i would like to congratulate you on your baby girl. A child is the most precious gift ever, having said this, raising a child is a great challenge.
I strongly believe, your daughters interests have to be made priority.
I agree, your wife and you might have a lot of differences, but the one and the most important thing you have in common is you baby daughter. And i don’t think anything is more precious than that.
I am safely assuming that your wife, the mother also strongly feels and prioritizes your daughter.
i would recommend you to
a) accept her arguments, yes she might be wrong sometimes but accept her arguments and then DISCUSS my friend, not DEBATE.
b)Take a trip together, rekindle the reason why you got together in the first place.
c) spend time as a family, the three of you , make memories and remind her what a gift it is to have a family.
i Hope things get better for you soon.
Yes. I had tried every thing possible but whenever i try to do something good that comes back to me in worse…
Dear Admin.
My wife is not willing to speak with me right now, but i will speak with her on the points which you have mentioned and get back to you ASAP…
Explain her that religions are not the things to fight, God should unit us. Also explain her, the in the interest of your lovely daughter, it is good to remain united and be happy. Otherwise she will have deep psychological scars for her entire life. Ask her “What do you want?” Communication is critical. Also clarify that if divorce is something makes you happy, I will reluctantly support it (not that you want). Tell her that it is must to speak. Being angry and mad at each other will not help any one.
Dear Admin,
Yes definitely i will speak with my wife, and try to sort out all the issues for our lovely daughter.
Thank you admin for your guidance, i will get back to you after once i speak with my wife.
Do not give your last name, date of your daughter, etc., now we removed them. You got to be careful on any forum about your privacy. Best wishes.
Hi Nitin,
How did you got married, Hindu wedding, church wedding or the civil marriage?
What is the reason she converted to Christianity? Is that because of her family?
For your privacy, we have deleted your last name and city etc. Do not enter your last name in the future.
Dear Admin,
We had court marriage
Dear Admin,
Her family is hindu, but her elder sister had married to a Cristina gay then her sister insist my wife to change her religion from hindu to cristian…
Do not stir up too much on religion now. Once she is back on track and trust you, we will work step wise on removing all her misconceptions about religions.
Before you start talking about religions, you got to have deep knowledge about different faiths. Starting now, start reading all recommended articles above and references into it. Study hard because one day you will have to teach her that.
Nitin,
This is a perfect case for us and we can turn it out. Do you know the weapon? That will be education! Also you will need lots of patience.
We will work right here every week over next 2-3 years and hopefully she will realize her mistakes. Be nice to her and keep loving her. NEVER ever get into fights or heated argument with her. You will always be nice to her and talk only intelligently, agree?
To start with, ask her very friendly and jokingly why she said, “she started to say your religion (Hinduism) is not good.” When she is talking, write down all her points that she raises. Let her talk all the way till she does not have any more to say. Tell her that you will think it over what you said. Let us know and we will tell you how to reply back to her. We are waiting!
Dear Admin,
I had tried all the ways, i thought her as a friend i never stayed with her like a typical husband, but there is no change in her, my wife has lot of ego of her job and my mother in law have ego on her daughter and also their financial condition is much better than mine, my mother in law always support her. My wife always fight with me for no reason and goes to her mother home. After some days i use to go there request her and bring back her to my home, but after some days she again do the same thing. She had stayed with me for hardly 8-9 months in 18 months. She does not give respect to my family, mother & me. As you said i had already tried but but after some days she does the same thing again….
Dear Nitin,
It is very easy to get married but it takes a lot to maintain the marriage. Worst time in most marriages is around 2-5 years into the marriage. Some studies show that those who learn to live with each other a decade may ever last.
Old days are over where wife was submissive and serving husband. Now today’s working women will demand equality in every steps of life.
There are many issues in life, however we are an expert on “interfaith” related issues. We will guide you mainly for faith related issues.
Major issues in marriages are: 1) ego, 2) my parents verses your parents, 3) incompatibilities, 4) unrealistic expectations from each other, 5) imbalance in household work responsibilities, 6) financial hardship, etc. What issues you mentioned about are routine common issues in most marriages, including wishing-faith marriages.
You two will have to decide if you wish to give this marriage a chance or want to get it over now. Remember, now you have a daughter (divorce or no divorce), however the daughter should not be the reason to maintain this broken (if you feel that way) marriage.
Talk to a marriage consultant and he/she will make each other realize and analyze your issues at hand. He/she will make you-both realize reality of life and find a good solution to it. Try!
Let us try. Ask her to write down top 5 major issues that she has with you. Also, independently, you also write down top 5 major issues that you have for her. These points should be measurable and specific; meaning don’t say, “I don’t like her” but be specific that I don’t like her because “she spends lots of money for cloths.” Think for a week and get back to us.