Ten Points of Interfaith Dating

More and more young adults are making friends and engaging in interfaith relationships leading to marriage, sometimes without realizing the complexities associated with their decision. No one is perfect, but one could improve chances of a happy and long lasting marriage by making an informed decision, even when that decision is to engage in an interfaith marriage. Here are some pointers:

10) Face Value: It is very important to look for how he or she dresses, talks, interacts with others and compatible with you. Here, it is also important to learn to differentiate between an inexperienced dater who may be genuinely interested in you from a “professional” dater who knows how to impress you. Some professional daters have an evangelical objective for engaging you in a friendship.

9) Upbringing: It is important to know a lot more about the person than the “face value.” A person is what he or she has learned during their life time, especially during childhood. Pay special attention to childhood activities, especially religion related, and think how it will impact your life.

8 ) Divorces in family? According to a Rutgers University research, divorce risk triples if one marries someone who comes from a broken home.

7) Web search: In this day and age, it would be a good idea to check your new friend’s hidden information from web searches (www.web.public-records-now.com or Google) and find out what type of family and background this person comes from.

6) Novelty: Remember, novelty by its nature is short lived. Think if you find the religious practices of the other interesting to you as a novelty, or do you find some spiritual meaning in it?

5) Consult others: Before you are too deep into a relationship, consult your best friend and older siblings or cousins. Pay attention to any negative comments or advise you do not like about your friend. Before it is too late to reverse your decision, also involve parents at an appropriate time.

4) Back to roots: One tends to go back to his or her roots as ages. Ponder how your life mate will remain compatible and tolerant to your religious faith, culture, life style and food habits, as you grow older and raise your children.

3) Two communities compatible? Remember, a marriage is not only a marriage of two individuals, but to some extent, a marriage of two extended families and communities. If two parents-in laws cannot stand each other for two hours in one room, or two communities are at odds, it will bring a lot of aggravation later in life as you age.

2) Do not take religious vows you cannot keep: Promise only what you mean. For example, do not take Shahadah oath for Nikaah (Islamic marriage) or accept Baptism ritual before Christian wedding to please your spouse’ parents but understand the meaning and be prepared to follow it. Do not lie. A married life based on misleading promises or vows will have serious consequences later in life.

1) Religion of Children: This is the most important point to consider for any interfaith relationship. Discuss the expectations of which one of the two religions the children will follow, especially any talk of Baptism, Shahadah/Sunat or Bris. Even if you have a secular outlook without any religious preference, you must be alarmed by an expectation that your children would follow the spouse’s religion, not yours. You must start wondering if the person has a fundamentalist streak. -Admin

Other articles written by InterfaithShaadi:
Bar Mitzvah for Hindus?,
Torah on Hindus?,
Koran on Hindus?,
Bible on Hindus?,
Hindus, Abrahamics and Intolerants,
Can Allah be the Father God?,
A Jealous and Angry God,
One God, Allah?,
Idol Worshippers: Who is and Who is Not,
Circumcision: Science or Superstition? ,
Saif and Kareena: Religion and Marriage,
Religious Conversion for Marriage,
Ten Points of Interfaith Dating ,
FAQ on Interfaith Marriage,
45% of Muslims Marry outside their faith,
38% of Hindus marry Abrahamics,
Interfaith Marriages: A Message to Dharmics,
Hindu-Muslim marriages,
Hindu girl/boy, Muslim girl/boy,
Hindu-Christian Marriage,
Hindu-Jew marriages,
Meera Verses Margaret,
Marriage laws,
Follow Jesus not the church

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One Response to “Ten Points of Interfaith Dating”

  1. Zeenat says:

    The Veil and Violence against Women in Islamist Societies

    Submitted by admin on 7 August, 2007 – 10:17
    Iran
    Islamic states
    IHN 2007.2 August
    International Humanist News
    Women

    Recent reports on the Islamic regime of Iran’s crackdown on women who are ‘badly’ veiled (bad-hejab) and their resistance to the regime’s campaign of arrest and harassment has been reported quite extensively in comparison to other similar events over the years. This is partly due to amateur video footage taken via mobile phones by passers-by uploaded on YouTube for the world to see.

    There are two pieces of footage that everyone should take a look at. One is of an unveiled woman shouting ‘we don’t want the veil; we want freedom’. The other is of a young girl who is being questioned by security agents for being ‘badly veiled’; she pulls off her veil in front of them and is kicked into a waiting car to be driven away.

    Given that veiling is compulsory in Iran, these acts of defiance are all the more heroic.

    This ongoing battle between the Islamic authorities and women over the veil clearly reveals why it has become a symbol like no other of the violence women face under Islam and why ‘improper’ or ‘bad’ veiling and unveiling have become a symbol of resistance to Islam in power and its violence against women. It is for this very reason that the slogan ‘neither veil nor submission’ has become a rallying cry ever since the regime imposed compulsory veiling on women after expropriating and crushing the revolution to consolidate its rule.

    With the myriad examples of violence against women in Islamist societies – from stoning to legally sanctioned domestic violence – the ‘fuss over veiling’ may seem overboard for those who have heard about the ‘right to veil’ and ‘freedom of clothing’ from Islamists who deceptively use rights language in an effort to make the veil palatable to a western audience.

    But the veil is anything but a piece of cloth or clothing. Just as the straight-jacket or body bag are anything but pieces of clothing. Just as the chastity belt was not a piece of clothing. Just as the Star of David pinned on Jews during the holocaust was not just a bit of cloth.

    The veil is a tool for the suppression and oppression of women. It is meant to segregate. It is representative of how women are viewed in Islam: sub-human, ‘deficient’, ‘inferior’, without rights, and despised. Trapped in a mobile prison not to be heard from or seen.

    The veiled woman is veiled to prevent her from being seen or touched by anyone other than those who have some form of ownership over her – her father, husband or brother.

    In many instances it is a matter of life and death. In Iran just recently paramedics were denied access to two sisters who needed emergency assistance because their brother deemed it sinful for the paramedics to touch them. They died as a result. And we have all heard of the example of Saudi Arabia where girls’ schools are locked as usual practice to ensure the segregation of the sexes. In 2002 when a fire broke out at a school in Mecca, the guards would not unlock the gates and religious police prevented girls from escaping – to the point of even beating them back into the school – because they were not properly veiled; moreover they stopped men who tried to help, warning the men that it was sinful to touch the girls. Fifteen girls died as a result and more than fifty were wounded.

    As I said – a matter of life and death.

    Moreover, the veil imposes sexual apartheid and the segregation of the sexes very much like racial apartheid in the former South Africa. But in this instance, in addition to the segregation that is carried out in society, such as separate entrances for women in certain government offices, separate areas for women’s seating on buses, the banning of women from certain public arenas like sport stadiums, a curtain dividing the Caspian sea for segregated swimming and so on, woman are forced to carry the divide on their very own backs.

    And don’t forget the more subtle aspects to it, though just as detrimental, like the sun never touching a woman’s hair or body and the adverse health effects of that. And how depressing it must be to be deemed so vile and dangerous as to need constant cover…

    And imagine the effects of the veil on girl children. Sexualized from age nine, kept segregated from boys, taught that they are different and unequal, restricted from playing, swimming and in general doing things children must do – nothing short of child abuse.

    And this is not only the situation for women and girls in countries where Islam rules. At least in places like Iran, there is mass resistance in the form of a social protest movement. The veil is also imposed on many women in Europe via threats and intimidation. But because of the respect the veil and religion are granted due to racist cultural relativism, women and girls are often left to the mercy of regressive Islamic organisations and parasitical imams.

    A mullah in Green Lane mosque in Birmingham has said, for example: ‘Allah has created the woman deficient’ and a satellite broadcast from the Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Abdul Aziz al-Sheikh, beamed into the mosque suggested that children should be hit if they don’t pray and don’t wear the hijab. Then there is Australia’s senior Islamic cleric, Sheik Taj Aldin al-Hilali, who has compared unveiled women to ‘uncovered meat’ implying that they invite rape and sexual assault. ‘If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside … without cover, and the cats come to eat it … whose fault is it, the cats’ or the uncovered meat’s? The uncovered meat is the problem. If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred.’

    That women transgress the veil daily is a testimony to their humanity and not the laws, states or groups that impose it by force or intimidation.

    No apology, justification, appeasement or cultural relativism can deny the indignity and violence that the veil is and represents.

    The veil is an offence to 21st-century humanity. It has to be opposed unequivocally.

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