Mujin says: January 1, 2015 at 3:33 pm
I have noticed there is excessive dialogue against muslims and I am not a big fan of this. That is not being polite to your fellow human. Hold your honor about what/who you believe in (your faith) but also respect theirs, even if it may seem inconvenient to you. Only that will set a possible path for positive change.
To clarify, I am a Hindu bhramin boy. I came to this topic because of the title.
I have loved and still in love with a wonderful muslim girl. I love her to bits because truly she is the most wonderful girl i’ve ever met. I am not a big fan of temples, but I do love the veda (Smriti, bhramana, Aranyaka and also upanishad). I know (or rather wish), the Veda is “knowledge” and not a way to segregate people, hence this should have a problem in my (I accept) extremely complicated wish.
As of India, Hindus and Muslims go, it is sad that I cannot be with her mostly.
We have talked to my parents first. My parents asked us how we plan to lead the married life. I gave a few pointers, I’ll try to reiterate:
1. We will show the same love and respect we have for each other for each other’s faiths. (Hey, For me ‘Bhraman’ and ‘Allah’ is the same, only the name helps visulize a little)
2. Whenever required we will assist the other in any ritual we would be (socially) allowed in.
3. We will try to live as good human beings rather than try to coerce the other. (Clearly, if we loved the other person their respective religion would have a good contribution in)
4. Yes, there will be fights, but we shall be patient as much a possible and sort it out.
5. When it comes to children, we shall instill good human-ness into them and maybe, they could pick?
6. When the time comes, I shall be burned, and she shall be buried.
For which they said if the girl’s parents agree, we’ll figure out some way, even though they were looking apprehensive. They knew their reputations would be at stake and suffer, but they loved me and did want me around.
But the girl’s parents were intensly aggressive (Shiia Mughal/Sayeed) as to how bad the idea was. They did not even entertain a dialogue as to how we would work it out. “I will entertain non-muslims as friends and not more than that.” – Her father.
Well, I accept him being true to what he follows, and I respect that, but it was not working for us. His concerns were mainly:
1. Marriage where any one is Muslim can only be done when the other one becomes a Muslim too.
2. (Unsaid, once one becomes a Muslim, there is no going back)
3. If he is converted to a Shiia Muslim, then what? What about his parents? What do we make of all of this? How do we do it?
4. If she marries you, there will only be bloodstains on the bed cloth made by the sword.
5. The society will not let you live, they will parade you naked and shame you and your families for such acts!
6. What will happen to our reputations?
7. How will I be sure that my daughter will be safe in a hindu home?
And later on… (After numerous threats and what nots)
8. If he really loves you he can come here, consider getting converted, and get converted…and maybe we can see if something can be done.
My parents tried talking if “there was some possible way”, but his voice silenced them and his aggression scared my relatively peaceful parents away. Her father, and my mother both were responsible to make a mess in my work place, making a tamasha with my professional life invading my personal.
It was horrible and it is continuing to be.
Now, Special marraige act 1954? That is one of the most useless act in the history of acts. Upon registering notices would be sent to permanent addresses (sic. parents/family) following which ANYONE (not just family/spouse-undivorced/etc) can raise a complaint (Maybe on trivial matters) and indefinately delay the marriage. Even physical force can be used as the location of the marriage is made public.
So what option do we have? Convert and marry to be it solid and binding:
Okay, lets review:
1. Convert to Islam – after shadadah, I cannot go back and I will stiffle. She will be fine as the chance of physical hard will be minimized. But its not certain.
2. Both Convert to a third religion (Like Sikh!) – She will still be in trouble.
3. Convert to Hindu – She will be perhaps hunted(?), or their agression will multiply…while no one will rescue us.
My opinion: Converting to Hinduism will give her maximum freedom, as well as me as to follow whatever we want to, so it is a better opion. Though she does not mind much, She says it wont solve her parents’ aggression nor will it help us live peacefully. They will come and stomp all over my workplace, forcing me to quit.
Her opinion: Convertin to Islam will give us maximum survival chance, where she suggeted “Convert on paper” (Yeah, like fake-convert, but I’ve read your BP).
My Opinion: Convert to new religion, Like Sikh and both take equal-ish risk. (She rightly says it would solve her issue of crazy family)
Final Verdict: As of posting this post – There seems no possible future for us. We are still looking how to make this work, maybe a few thousand letters to the girl’s dad? lol. No. He is not stepping down on his stance, nor does he show any intention to listen, and has clearly written me off, by forcefully making her quit her work place and put her on house arrest.
I am open for options, but time is fleeting, she may get married anytime.
I only want us to be safe from public harm. I want to live and enjoy god discovery, and help my partner in her own discovery (if she is interested in it).
There is no option, either in the constitution nor by society, for this.
Sometimes, I wonder what religion has become apart from propagating intolerace to people of differing memberships. -Mujin
Also read: VIDEO: Interfaith Marriage with Equality, Don’t fake-convert, Polygamy and talaak, Akansha unwillingly converted to Nusrat, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Idols, pluralism, SRK-can you do it?, Zakir Naik, Christian-Hindu marriages, Jain-Muslim marriages, Brahmin-Muslim marriages, Bollywood and Interfaith Marriages.
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Hi Mujin,
i read this post again in June 2018. What happened in your case? I would love to know and help out if possible. I have gone through what you were facing in 2015.
Are you married now? Can you share how did you managed to steer through your difficult times? How did you managed to deal with two parents from different faiths? Please do get back and that will help many others. Thanks.
Unfortunately, I’m in the same boat. I’m Hindu Bengali Brahmin and my girlfriend is a devout Muslim girl. We are extremely supportive of each others’ religious beliefs. She’s also a divorcee with no issues. We’ve been living in together for last six months although she isn’t happy with this arrangement and wants to get married to me. The Special Marriage Act would create problems for her in her hometown in Aligarh, especially from the crazy Maulvis and other vigilantes. I don’t want to convert her to Hinduism as I respect her beliefs. We’ll have our kids get the best of both and make up their mind as they grow up. I feel a live-in arrangement is best in such situations. But, you need a very modern mindset to deal with the criticisms and taunts – and great love for each other. Another option We have discussed that we can probably travel overseas for a month or two and get married there.
your story brought me to tears.. as i share the exact same one like yours. I am a muslim girl in love with a brahmin boy.. we two are young but still in love for 4 years.. things havent worked out ever and it doesnt seem that they will.
my parents will never give me to him. they also got me forcefully married to a shiia guy in america. but i still am in love with the brahmin guy.
if you have any suggestions for me i would love to hear
please sister dont miss ur lover
dear frnd love is nt a game its a feel don’t leave her god bless u both
Why don’t you contact RSS ? RSS or any Hindu organisation can help you in this problem. Don’t get frustrated. There are numerous Hindu boys who are getting married with Muslim girls by converting them in Hinduism. If any assistance is required,contact Arya Samaj and like minded organisations.They will arrange safety and security also.
The one truth that I believe in is that there is one Eternal God which is unseen. Addressed by different names. It’s a Believer that matters. Muslims call it Allah..Hindus do believe in Brahman n Christians..the God Almighty.
The difference is that Hindus have Avatars which means forms of God..(roop) and are worshipped.
All the three faiths believe in the Unseen power and Hindus too believe God to be Nirakaar (avatars are the form). Then why so much of trouble!
Islam is mistaken bec of many of the followers. Its a very beautiful n a pure religion unlike the way it is perceived die to some brainless individuals n groups.
By fear of God..it is meant Love of God. Love of any kind does involve fear. If U love your partner..wont u fear to lie to him/her or deceive him/her..or go against her wishes or hurt him/her?
Wish ppl used the teachings of the religion correctly. Still the fact remains that Shahadat is necessary for marriage as Islam is a monofaith and does not entertain polyfaith. Islam respects messengers of Allah but does not allow worshipping them. It’s Only Allah.
God bless us and all the lovers intending to spend life with each other.
islam aims it expansion of its ideology by hook or crook.If islam does not permit marriage with non muslim, then why muslim guy trap non muslim girls? It is just saying, but main purpose is to increasing islamic population.
The hindus should marry muslim girls
The only best solution if you want to work it out between you two is move away from both your families and live out on your own. This is actually even recommended in Islam as well.
If you live in another city or country you wont have external pressures trying to tear you two apart. It is the best way I know from experience.
“This is actually even recommended in Islam as well.”
where it is told that it recommended to go and marry without parents…
could u give me any proof for that
Dear Suhana, Islam doesn`t allow marriage with a non-muslim, its clearly written in Qur’an.
Dear Suhana Ji !
Please tell us about your experience in detail.Thank Yoy.GOD Bless You.:-)
Mijin, I am in same situation, only way to knot tie with her PEACEFULLY is to convert to islam, my muslim lovers family is not at all in agreement with their daughter marrying a hindu, she told me they will only accept me if i convert to islam, they will give their daughter with a unemployed muslim man rather than a hindu employed man, for them religion first then everything
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=9068
I hope this is not the case with you…
“Most of them only believe in Allah while associating partners with Him.” (Qur’an 12:106)
“And when Allah alone is mentioned, the hearts of those who do not believe in the Hereafter are filled with aversion; and when others are mentioned beside Him, they rejoice!”
(Qur’an 39:45)
***As you said earlier and very rightly so, Allah here refers to almighty, with no image,likeness,idols, just one unseen truth.
No, for me, god is extreamly personal. It is like saying I share a link to god with no interferance.
So, There is everything happening in this world and in my life ….and there is my link to god.
I think that answers your question.
Hi Mujin,
Bro I can feel you, being in similar situation.
The only possible ways as you have sorted out, if you could talk to one of your muslim friends to convince her father. Still, if that doesn’t work out.
Ask your partner to buy time, by doing something.(If you could tell us what is she doing as of now, we can help in this regard.)
Get a job away from your place(Also, you can tell us what you are doing as of now, maybe we can suggest).
Get married and later if you get a chance move outside India. As admin said that this forum is for sharing advice, we are here, but if needed and if possible we can provide physical assistance(eg shelter, legal help etc) wherever possible.
Also, a big advice would be to talk to a marriage lawyer asap.
Replay back, I want to help you.
Hope you two get together asap.
The only good muslim friend I have is a sunni, and the shia father will never listen to him.
We are trying to buy time, but its not easy. They are hell bent on getting her married as soon as possible. They are highly concerned about their reputation in socitey (As are any parents).
Its like they are hell bent on getting married and only to a shia muslim, regardless of what she wants. They will even try to forcefully read the niquah (I am well aware that this is not allowed, but behind the curtain who can say who’s voice it is? Stiffle her voice for 1 minute is all that is required).
move to america, get married here, and live happily ever after. You can both keep your religions as well.
As if getting a job in America is so easy. Thank you for the support.
It is a good point. For any interfaith marriage, issues will be lots more if you continue living in the same town. But if you move 200 km away from both parents/relatives, problems will be manageable.
Dear Brother,
The day you marry your wife, is the day ALLAH places a trust and responsibility on you to give her the rights as a wife and she becomes your family, your comforter, the mother of your children.. So fear ALLAH in regards to your duties as a husband.
Dear Sister,
When you marry your husband you leave your birth home and you become a real woman. Your husband becomes your family, your maintainer and protector, the father of children, your friend and lover so treat him well and follow him to the ends of the earth..
Fear ALLAH in regards to how you treat him. Marriage in Islam completes half of your deen. Do not be swayed by good looks or money as these will come and go. Marry a man who Truly fears and loves ALLAH.. Who puts Islam 1st before anything. Learn and walk in deen together.
Go in a marriage with the purpose in getting closer to ALLAH and In sha’ALLAH it will be a blessed marriage!
Dear Mac,
I shall respond as truthfully as I can regarding your post directed to me. If I offend you or your ideas in anyway, I apologize beforhand.
I do not know what you know of or not know of Hindus, but Most people see Hinduism as a religion of Idol Worshippers. The real fact is, Hinduism is a religion which allows all kinds of people to connect to god without force or restriction. For reference, When you say “ALLAH” I am guessing you referring to the GOD who oversees all creation. (We also have a name for the very same god, “Bhraman” (Not “Bhrama”), the formless one. Hinduism has lived for over 10,000 years, and during this time it has simplified concepts for the common folk.
Clarifying that, to that god who are the one, just remembered in different languages, I accept and acknowledge that I will have to fullfill a responsibility as a husband and will never do anything to rid her of her rights.
Fear ALLAH? I am sorry, I am more of a god lover. Love, and not fear, makes one more responsible and sensitive with intellectual understanding. I shall be proud to proform my duties to her, even spiritual ones where she may require my help.
But that is just me. It is not me who is stopping the possibility of marriage, it is the immidiate society which fears the larger section(s) of the populations.
Excellent point, “Love, and not fear”, however Christianity and Islam’s fundamental teachings are based on fear factor.
Do your lover believe in the Koran (as 100% truth), Muhammad and the Judgement Day?
I think its better if she answered this.
I feel I would not give justice to her thoughts/opinions if I am the filter in between.
Then put her on this site. Ask her to comment directly here and we (including mac) will educate her. Give her this URL https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=8996
what is meant by fear Allah(s.w.t)?
Here raise this question.. why i want to fear Allah because i love Allah(s.w.t)
Indeed, Allah is the greatest Almighty which all the things belongs to him ..He only has power of all the things. .
fear of God is not like as it is. .
Indeed, Allah is watching always to us .. he knows every thing what human beings are doing in this world. .
Assume that Allah is always watching to you so you didnt go in the wrong way or doing the bad deeds
This is the called the fear of Allah(s.w.t)
First of all my comment was not directed towards you, its was for believing men and believing women.
Note:- believing means those how believes oneness of god and don`t make images of god, those who don`t associate materialistic things with god(polytheist) and those who accept Muhammad(Peace be upon him) as messenger of god are believing men and women
Bro if you believe in 1 god,the formless and eternal one as you described god in your above comment then why you don`t want to accept Islam….where the concept of god is same.
And bro, as you said you will fulfill her rights over you, then in that case what you mean by her rights, the rights that i was talking about was rights that Islam bestowed upon Muslim husband, are you aware of those rights?
And finally, about fear, it is not about fear, Islam has love,obedience towards god, but if anyone don`t fear god he/she may do anythings, murderers don`t fear god, if they feared that one day they will have to be face to face with god then they won`t have done such act, just like you fear your parents, but you love them also and you obey them too….
If I need to give a simple reply, Why do I need to? Why can’t you accept me calling that one god in a different lauguage?
If you need a more detailed answer, I find the concept of my one god more merciful, which clearly says in simple words, “This way is one of the many ways to reach me” and also, “Those who also follow different paths will also ultimately reach me” (I have oversimplified it for this argument). But on the other hand, the god that you mention is propagated as , “One will be damned if they believe in anyone but me” and “There is no saving for those who don’t belive god is the only god”.
The difference is the tone of speach. That makes a world of difference to me. I’d like to believe God does not need to be jealous. As per my version, Both my wife and me would reach that god ultimately. As per ISLAM, you know. If you need further clarification, I shall, but I think this should be enough.
As for the rights of wife/husband, I have read it, but please feel free to enlighten me in detail.
Ah, so you meant that kind of fear. Well, that I do, but because of god, but as a good human being, we shouldn’t be doing wrong things as they have repercussions. Yet, for argument’s sake, if you mean ‘fear of being punished for doing bad deeds’, yes ofcourse, I am moral enough to have that feeling. Its more of a responsibility actually.
Yes, we are on the same page on that one too.
If people`s moral guided them then world would not have Hitler,Jeorge Bush,Saddam,Laden,Modi… And morality changes with place, whats moral for Indian may not be moral for other cultures, what moral for tribal people is not moral for us in city life…morality is relative….
Now coming to your question >>
If I need to give a simple reply, Why do I need to? Why can’t you accept me calling that one god in a different lauguage?
Ans- I do accept, i wrote a long comment earlier on this topic about different names of `creator`.
Islam doesn`t reject path but Islam strongly condemns. opposes giving image to god, making idols of god, making partners with god..we don`t believe Muhammad(peace be upon him) as god, now tell me do you believe Krishna,ram,Ganesha as god?? If yes, then sorry, Islam doesn`t allow marriage with you neither will her family. You must know this fact in black and white.
Mujin,
Listen to mac carefully. Your girl friend may be open minded today, but she could change later. Further, her parents and community will carry the same belief as mac. How will you deal with each and every one of them?
Admin without running away or diverting my question, is it logical,reasonable to believe Humans as God???
Humanity is god, not something written by someone in a book! Don’t trap God into a book.
Mac, we have respect for you. You are intelligent, honest and has high potential to contribute immensely to this society. Don’t listen to Zakir Naik and don’t be brain washed. Open up your mind. Love and respect all Godly creation. Let people believe in what ever form, shape and name as they wish, as far as they show humanity and respect for other citizens of this world.
Oh my, We digressed from the topic too much.
The fact of the matter is, they would rather prefer a rich wine drinking shia muslim than a Hindu.
There is nothing that can be done to convince a religiously fanatic society.
So, whatever I do or believe or even accomodate for her by giving her freedom of choice and non-coercion, it does not matter. None of that matters.
She says she is not that religious, more like open to all religions equally.
I feel I am the only one who is banging my head and reading about her religon so much so that she has no issues with me, when she herself is not that keen/specific.
To be frank, I feel she has a more practical attitude than me, as that is the easiest way an intermarriage can work, if at all.
Currently, we are trying to get her a job away from parents. There is actually not much hope of us getting together.
They wont say yes/give permission. If we run away and marry as per contitution/law, they can file a case on me/my family for kidnapping/coersion and what not….make it a political issue perhaps.
Its a dangerous line, that is the sad truth.
Why don’t you guys move to countries like US, since both of you are educated it should not be any issue to get visa (can use visit visa initially to enter into US) and enroll any course so that you will get Cpt/opt which will help you get job … Then get married….no one will stop you in US you can practice Hinduism and she can practice Islam!!!
Its not a cake walk to get into the US. The biggest requirement is time. Her parents forcefully made her quit her study/work and sit at home, while they are actively looking for suitors. They had got a guy working abroad, and she was barely a few weeks away from an actual marriage but things happened and that party cancelled the wedding.
(Was it god’s work or just co-incidence, who knows?)
They want her to get her married off to a Shia Muslim asap and be done with that responsibility.
If I could get some suggestions to get some time, it would be really helpful. Even going to a foreign country takes 6 months preparation minimum, and she does seem to have that much time.
As I read your post, I think both of you are working professionals, sharing same workplace. You can ask her to get into higher education(this can buy her time). She needs to be strong at this, you need to support her. She needs to make it a standpoint that if she doesn’t to marry then nobody can force her to do so.
Its always the case in such cases. Only the muslim girl has to face everything, from parents, society and sibling.
Mijin,
Excellent post, you must be highly educated and a professional. We feel your pain. This is the exact reason we have created this web site to expose this conversion business and intolerance for Godly people. We hope you will give us hands in improving our society.