Your experience: Christian-Hindu relationship
If you (a Hindu/Jain/Sikh/Buddhist) have any dating or marriage/divorce experience with a Christian, please share your experience here. If you have a positive experience, tell readers what is your secret. If you have a negative experience, what would you do differently if you have to re-do all over again? Please specify any persuasion for Baptism/Christening for you or your children. Does your spouse’s family have concerns for you for the Day of Judgment? While writing comments, keep in mind the objective……to help other young adults considering such relationships.
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Also read if in relations with a Christian: Hindu-Christian Marriage, Will Gandhi go to Hell since he was not Baptized?, Bible on Hindus?, Idol-Worshippers, I am a Christian mother, I converted without knowledge of my family, I am Christian getting married to a Hindu, Do all Christians go to Heaven?, Ignorent Molly trying to convert a Krishna believer to Christianity ..a video, Namastey London movie…intolerant Christians ..a video, All religions are not same, A Hindu America?, Why I am a Hindu?, A fundamentalist Christian, Why I came back to Hinduism?, Dharma is not the same as religion, Text book on How to convert Hindu Students to Christianity,
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As a Christian-Hindu I feel as though this article has a slant against Christians in Hindu interfaith relationships. I am not in a relationship with a Hindu at the current time. Though I have been engaged to one.
I suggest any pre-engagment couple each write a long detailed report explaining each owns beliefs, requirements of the other and how they would like the marriage to work out in aspects of family and religion, whether they are of the same religon or not. Then come to a documented agreement where neither party is neglected.
I see apprehensions towards Christians and Hindus rooted in assumpions of what it means to be a Christian.
I believe religous belief and faith are very personal spiritual intellectual and emotional applications. Viewing what scripture says can be very diverse, even in the same title! I believe that along the way in Christianity there was a people who interpeted the Bible a way that caused separatism. This interpetation became the core of todays popular Christianity. I do not interpet the Bible in that way. I believe that Jesus is a direct route to Brahma. While Hinduism focuses on enlightenment via individual facets of God. That is the only difference I see.
I dont mean to disrespect, just concerned about the consequences of your belief. The term christian- hindu to me is a bit of an oxymoron. Unlike you, most hindus dont believe in Jesus being the only way to God right?
I also believe the bible warns us against some of the things you talk about; the merging the 2 beliefs together. I’m really not trying to offend you, I’m genuinely worried about this.
Here are some Of those bible verses:
Galatians 1:6-10
6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! 9 As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!
1 Corinthians 8:5-6
5 For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”), 6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.
Deuteronomy 12:29-31
29 The Lord your God will cut off before you the nations you are about to invade and dispossess. But when you have driven them out and settled in their land, 30 and after they have been destroyed before you, be careful not to be ensnared by inquiring about their gods, saying, “How do these nations serve their gods? We will do the same.” 31 You must not worship the Lord your God in their way, because in worshiping their gods, they do all kinds of detestable things the Lord hates. They even burn their sons and daughters in the fire as sacrifices to their gods.
Deuteronomy 13:6-10
6 If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, “Let us go and worship other gods” (gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known, 7 gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), 8 do not yield to them or listen to them. Show them no pity. Do not spare them or shield them. 9 You must certainly put them to death. Your hand must be the first in putting them to death, and then the hands of all the people. 10 Stone them to death, because they tried to turn you away from the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
And when you look up to the sky and see the sun, the moon and the stars—all the heavenly array—do not be enticed into bowing down to them and worshiping things the LORD your God has apportioned to all the nations under heaven (Deuteronomy 4:19).
Hi i am a Christian guy with a Hindu girlfriend. We have known each other for over five years. Over the past 2 years we have progressed further in our relationship to the point where marriage we are thinking of getting married. Her parents are very strict in there faith and we (my girlfriend and i) have come to a problem. she would like me to go to the temple in a support role weekly after the marriage ceremony but as a minimalist christian i find it hard to commit to that. I do not go to church every sunday so i find it very hard that i will go to the temple every week. I am of two thoughts, am i bieng selfish in refusing or am i bieng practical. i do not have a problem with anything else at all. thanks for your time.
Reply to Donald at http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/blog/?p=2778
I (nominally Christian) have been with my (Hindu) husband for four years and I would never change anything about him (except the nail biting, and constantly leaving our front door open). His Hindu faith is a big part of what makes him who he is, and I love who he is.
I like my husband’s family mostly (there’s always one relative; it’s a distant relative though). I’m friends with my sisters-in-law. I do have a slight aversion to some Indian foods at the moment but I’m pregnant, so hopefully it will pass (sad since I have an affinity for masala flavored snacks like kukurre). I have no issues spending time in India (three months is my longest duration so far). I can speak and read some Hindi.
I feel lucky that I married my best friend. We share a lot of the same hobbies and interests (some of which would bore other people to tears), and we have similar senses of humor.
I’m fine with raising our children Hindu, India and Hinduism have a rich history which they should know and be proud of.
I think this comes from the fact that my parents are not religious people at all. We are nominally Christian, I was never baptized. I have been to church very few times in my life. I celebrate Christmas and Easter for fun with friends/family not religious reasons.
I will show up to functions, wear clothing, eat food, read literature/history (I know the difference between different vedas), give gifts/cards/etc. I feel uncomfortable sometimes when his family asks me to participate in deeply Hindu rituals. It isn’t out of disrespect or because I feel their beliefs are any less valid. It’s that I don’t understand the custom or I simply don’t feel right pretending to pray to something I don’t believe in.
I will not convert on principle. Many of my mother’s ancestors were forcibly converted to Christianity, so I don’t believe anyone should convert to anything unless they absolutely want to and they’re doing it for themselves (certainly not for someone that won’t accept you for who you are).
My husband is similarly not very religious. He says my lack of religion is his favourite quality.
Excellent message. We are glad you are enjoying your Hindu-Christian marriage with equality. One of the blessing is your “lack of religion.”
I am a Christian mother (Catholic) of a son who is planning to marry a Hindu girl. I struggle with, and I have struggled with the exclusivity of Christianity for quite some time. I consider myself liberal and tolerant, and I am still searching for an explanation of “only one way to the father”. Having said that, I still feel somewhat uncomfortable praying to other Gods. My son wants a Hindu ceremony in which his parents are part of. I am hoping for a ceremony that blends both cultures and is truely reflective of who we are. Who we all are. I would be fine with anything my son decides, but I was educated that I am very much a part of the ceremony… I just want to be authentic. My faith has always been important to me, and a guiding light in my life.
This comment has been moved to http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/blog/?p=1359
Comment to her there, thanks.
Dear,
I work as a researcher for Swedish Educational Broadcasting Company, UR, which is one of the Public service companies of Sweden. We are making a TV-series with four programs about ethics and moral from a religious perspective, and the target group is pupils in High school here in Sweden. Our reporter/producer Erik Sandström is travelling the world to meet people with different religions and he is coming to Kolkata, India in about a week.
I wonder if you would like to participate or help me finding a young couple who are from different religions and has a hard time because of this? We would like to interview them and tell their story, and we will be discreet and understand that this is a delicate matter.
Please get back to me.
All my best regards
Emelie Jönsson
I’m a Goan Catholic and my girlfriend is a Gujarati (Hindu) from the States. We met each other two years ago and we’ve since fallen in love with each other. We want to be with each other for the rest of our lives but her parents are strictly against it. We as a couple are willing to have two different weddings (one Hindu and the other Catholic). But apart from the marriage issue, the issue of what religions the children will follow comes into play. We figured that each of us will teach our children of both Hinduism and Catholicism. But my girlfriend thinks that she will lose her values of bring a Hindu because she’ll be losing her last name for one and secondly, she’ll be living with me and my parents, which means that our household is gonna be Catholic dominated and the fact she’s getting married to a Non-Hindu will cause her parents to not interfere in her life when she definitely wants them to. I’m pretty liberal in my thinking. I love her a lot and the fact of not being with her would totally crush me up. How do I find the appropriate answers to her questions? How do I convince her that the she will not lose her values? Your views please?
Please comment to Savio at http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/blog/?p=523
Hello Savio, While I don’t have the answers for you, I am in a similar situation.
I am Roman Catholic and my son is planning to marry a Hindu woman. While I don’t expect her to convert, I am having some concerns about my participation in the ceremony, and I am hoping for a ceremony that reflects both cultures.
You say you really love this girl. One thing you can meditate on is “God is Love”. and hopefully some answers will unfold for you. I am going to take my own advice! Best Wishes for a life of love and happiness to you and your fiance.
Savio, u won’t win if she’s hindi speaking,north indian. they r strict n want their way. I’m suffering 7 yrs long. my husband wnt allow me to follow christianity
Desiree,
Can you explain little more, what do you mean by “I’m suffering 7 yrs long. my husband wnt allow me to follow christianity” ??
What is he asking you to do or not do? Do you have kids? Is he not allowing you to carry a cross in your home? He is not allowing you to go to a church once a while? Is he imposing you to pray to Hindu Gods? Is he asking you to go to a Hindu temple more than to a church? Please explain.
What do you mean by “follow christianity?? Christianity is an exclusivist and supremacist (that salvation is possible only by baptizing and following Jesus Christ) religion. Further, as a true Christian, you are suppose to believe that Hindu are sinners and idol worshippers (read Bible on Hindus?). Please clarify what minimum you wish your Hindu husband should do or allow you to do. Thanks
Hi All,
I am a hindu and my Girl friend is a Christian. I am requesting my GF to follow both religions but she is not accepting but We really love each other.
I request a positive replies instead of neagtive .
Thanks
Sree
Hello Sreekanth,
Interfaith marriages are not easy, so you will have to do some homework to make your marriage work. If you trust each other and your love is true (both sides), you will find solutions to all issues.
Hindus are pluralist (believing that you do not have to be a Hindu for salvation or moksa), while Christianity is an exclusivist (salvation is only possible by Baptizing and following Jesus) religion. So Sree, you are not alone facing this problem. In almost all cases, the Hindu side is okay following both religions, but the Abrahamic (Christian, Jew or Muslim) will want the Hindu fiancée to follow only their own religion (especially for children; see videos at BBS).
Easiest will be that you fulfill her wishes and you convert to Christianity. Start believing that Jesus is a true God, not Ganesh or Rama. Sacrifice your religion for a girl; this is called Love Proselytism. Alternative is to ask her to do the same and let her feel the pain of conversion. If you are educated and have some self-esteem, you will realize that this “exclusivity” or the conversion business (BBS) has no place in an interfaith marriage with equality.
Most Western Christians are open minded and considerate, but your girl may be under tremendous pressure from her religious leaders to convert Hindus. If everyone starts believing that Christ and Krishna are one and the same, her church priests will lose their jobs!! So if you submit to your girl’s request to not to follow both religions and start believing that only her religion is a true religion, means you are submitting to those intolerant religious leaders. It’s time for a change. It is time to say no to the BBS.
First read lots of material on this web site and educate yourself. Then start teaching your GF that Isvar Allah tero nam (pluralist thinking). It will take lots of efforts. If she is intelligent, slowly and slowly, she will realize her mistakes and come to terms. If she is intolerant like Molly or McKenna, ….well, you decide.
I hope there is nothing negative here. Please come back with more specific questions. Best wishes.
hey am a Kerala catholic planning to marry a gauda saraswath brahmin… we have been seeing each other for 2 years now…………
and yes, we are finding it quite difficult to get our parents ok this….
and sure, there are noises about conversion, kid’s religion etc… and possibly they might even take me to a psychologist (even though am one and he is a psychiatrist)…..
even before meeting him I used to go to temples, had stayed 10 days in Aurobindo Ashram and yes a a practicing catholic….. and yes me and my brother love eating prasaadam too…. Jesus was the same guy who said rules are for human beings and human beings are not for rules… a god who flouted the obsolete convictions of his days will not mind if i follow him according to my conscience…….
and we had decided that both of us will keep our religions, will be flexible enough to adjust to our relatives, his granny might want 2 sets of cooking pots and pans(veg and non veg) and my dad might want to eat beef …. as for children, we have decided on what anu has written, mother believes this and dad believes this and it fine for people to have different faith and you can choose your religion when you want to..
and names i would love to give then indian names, my ma has named us not with biblical names but secular Indian names…….. so……
regardless of relegion
Dear Doctor Maitry,
No, we rather send the others to Psychiatrist, than those who believe in Interfaith Relationship with Equality!!
You are educated and believer in humanity, not religious dogmas. You are a role model for today’s new society. People like you will make the nation and the World a better place to live for all. However, do not underestimate the power of religious institutions and conflicting religious beliefs.
You have stated, your children “can choose your religion when you want to.” Does it mean they will not have the Baptism till they could make their own decision at age 21? How do you justify Baptism of a child of Hindu-Christian couple believing in equality?
We are all learning. We are trying to define EQUALITY in an interfaith married life. Can you share your views to what the admin said to Anu and to Pradeep? How does it apply in your case?
Hi,
I am a Marthoma Christian based out of India. I am in love with a Hindu Girl whom I have known for 15 years. I intend to marry her however when I discussed the situation at home; the first reaction was a capital NO.
On my persistent persuasion they want the girl to convert. Though I am not liking the thought of conversion I had conveyed the same to my girl and she had done the same to her mother. Her mother is not accepting the fact at all and now looking for a groom for her.
My parents have agreed to she following her religion however want her to convert for a church marriage. I would like to know the following:
1. What does Marthoma Church say about inter-religion marriage? Does it teach exclusivity? In case of inter-religion marriage does it prescribe conversion?
2. What does it say about the kids? Do I need to baptize them necessarily?
Appreciate your inputs on the same. Thanks!!!
Regards,
Pradeep
Dear Anu (Apr 11 – below),
It is great that you are willing to respect two religions and traditions and looking for EQUALITY for both faiths. With such a beautiful thought, you will have a happy and long lasting married life.
Let’s evaluate some of your statements for a reality check.
You mentioned that “I want to baptise our children” and “I heartfully wish to celebrate namakarana samskara…..” This is a beautiful polytheist pluralistic thought. However, such religious labeling has no place in an interfaith marriage with equality for the following reasons:
1) RELIGIOUS LABELING: Baptism is the act to cleanse former (Hindu?) sins and practices, and later live with Jesus Christ forever. It is not fair to give such an irreversible religious label on an interfaith child. If namakarana samskara is also considered a religious label, keep both out. Let the child decide own religion at his or her 21 years of age, fair?
2) NO DUAL LABELING: All Christians and Jews know that a child cannot have Baptism (to announce the child Christian) as well as Bris (to announce the child Jew) circumcision ceremonies. Watch video here. The same true for Baptism and Sunat (to announce a child Muslim). Further, even within Christian faiths, a Lutheran will not tolerate a Catholic, Greek-orthodox or Mormon Baptism!!! To ask any non-Lutheran, like a Hindu or Jew, a Lutheran-Baptism is not fair. Religious labeling has no place in interfaith marriages with equality.
3) CIRCUMCISION: The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend routine circumcision. Further, there is no medical issue noted or heard for a billion plus of uncircumcised Hindus around the World. To have foreskin on the penis is not a birth defect to be surgically corrected, rather the foreskin has abundant nerve endings designed to increase sexual sensation. Do your sons have to have circumcision even though there is no scientific merit to it? Remember what your God told…..”There is my covenant, which you shall keep, between me and you and your descendants after you: Every male among you shall be circumcised,” God commands Abraham (Genesis 17:11), “Any uncircumcised male who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin shall be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.” Instead of cutting child’s body part for an irrational religious dogma, let the interfaith child make his own choice at his age 21.
4) EXCLUSIVITY: Are you taught in your church that Jesus is the only savior and any unbaptized will go to hell? Did you understood, like Mckenna Smith, that….. Mahatma Gandhi will go to hell; while Mother Teresa will go to heaven?
5) If you don’t believe that Baptism and circumcision are a must to go to heaven, why would you insist for it on your interfaith child?
You want Baptism just as a rite, but you believe it is not exclusive and binding. However, your religious leaders will correct you that Baptism is not a hollow ritual devoid of meaning. Here, Baptism as a ritual, just for namesake without any meaning, is not a concern but the thought process behind asking for Baptism and rigid dogmas to follow is a concern.
Now let’s look at a deeper question…Who is THE God? Is Jesus the only savior? Or, in addition Allah, LORD God of Israel, Buddha and Krishna could also lead to salvation? Why you ….disagreed to have a puja altar in the house, but you are willing to do the Saraswati puja??!! Is Saraswati puja not idol worship as described in the Bible? As per The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2–17), is your “jealous” and “angry” Lord God not going to punish your children to the third and fourth generations for your iniquity, because you rejected the Lord God by associating Goddess Saraswati with Him? How will you explain this to your God on the Judgment Day? He is watching!! If you don’t believe in the (first two of) Ten Commandments and Christian exclusivity, then there is no issue marrying a Hindu.
If you are not an exclusivist Christian, why are you saying “I am not going to teach them (my kids) that “there are multiple forms of THE GOD…”. If so, then who are Krishna, Mahavir and Allah……fake gods?
Anu, for your knowledge, Hindus are not idol worshipers and are 100% monotheist believing in only one Supreme Reality; however liberty is provided to Hindus to express THE GOD in multiple forms. Actually, Catholics do exactly the same – the father, son and Holy Spirit, the wood-cross, baby Jesus, black Jesus, white Jesus, idols of Mary, St. Paul, St. John, the Pope…on and on. Likewise, Muslims will pray to the black-cube, Kaaba, will hang some Arabic writings on wall in their homes and consider it holy and will glorify their religious leaders, like Mohammed and Ayatollah. So, what is wrong in having liberty to express THE GOD (or godly things and people) however way one pleases?
Further, you said.. “I am not or ever will be Hindu, neither will my husband be Christian.” That’s the way it should be. You are lots more tolerant than some other Abrahamics. However, how about your kids? Are they going to be Hindus, Christians, both or atheists? Are they going to be: 1) multi Gods idol worshiper polytheist Hindus on Saturday and 2) monotheist and exclusivist Christians on Sunday? Are you going to be okay when your baptized daughter will sit down every day with her dad to do Saraswati and Ganesh puja in the altar in your own home? Let’s hope it will never bother you and your parents. Best would be to put Jesus and Mary’s idols into your (future) husband’s altar and whole family join for praying. In your own words, this is called “always ‘in addition to’, never ‘instead of’.” Pluralism is the only way for any interfaith couple seeking equality.
Anu, sit down with your fiancée and clarify below points now. Answer…true? or false?… to find out how much truly you love each other over certain religious dogmas:
Is “salvation” possible only through Jesus?
Are your fiancée and billions other Hindus not going to be “saved” on the Judgment Day (unless they baptized)?
Are Lord Buddha and Goddess Saraswati not incarnations of the same “Lord your God” described in the Bible?
Anu, do you have any reservations going to a Hindu temple, bow to Hindu Gods and take offering (prasad) from the Gods? Further, during Hindu wedding ceremony, the Hindu priest will invoke many Gods from heaven and earth, are you going to be okay to be part of such a wedding? Are you not scared of your “jealous” and “angry” Lord God?
Do you have to get married in a church? Did you check with your Christian priest if it will be okay to have a polytheist Hindu wedding and no (or in addition a) monotheist Christian wedding?
Does the child just born carry sin?
Do your children have to have baptism/christening to announce the child as a Christian and to wipe their sin? If your fiancée adamantly decline the baptism of children, are you going to end this love relationship now?
Do your sons have to have circumcision even though there is no scientific merit to it?
Name is everything. Are the children going to have Dharmic or Abrahamic names?
A membership in a church costs from 3-12% of your gross family income. Are you planning to be a member of a church, especially after children? Are you planning to spend the same amounts supporting Hindu religious institutions?
In case of a child’s death in your family; will he/she get a Christian burial or the Hindu cremation final rites?
Note that on most of above points, you cannot have both ways.
Most youths fail to recognize what you have stated…“many spouses become increasingly conservative after having children, regardless of their faith.” The dating time talks of “tolerance” and “open mindedness” are not measurable characteristics and could change with the wind. For this reason, it is important to dig into to learn of a “true color” of the fiancée by asking certain measurable critical questions. Any decision after above reality checks will be a good decision.
Anu, don’t get scared of these religious complexities created 1000s years before. Best is to let your love rule, not Hindu and Christian religious dogmas. Trust each other fully, don’t put a religious label on children, teach children to respect both Gods and scriptures and when they are 21 let them make own choices for the religion. Is not this fair?
PLEASE PROVIDE YOUR COMMENTS AT http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/blog/?p=407
I am a current medical student…and currently have a hindu bf
I just want to respond to the matter of circumcision…that “it has no scientific merit”….
Well, actually, in some sense, it does,…
Sometimes, when you read the Bible, you have to go back to its context (like where was the particular text written? To WHOM was it written for? And most of all, WHEN?)
In Biblical times, we must put in mind that hygiene or cleanliness was not yet in the mind or ideas of people….Bacteria and Viruses were not yet known…
So it was just right for God to command His followers (in this case the ISRAELITES) to do circumcision to at least minimize bacteria from residing under the foreskin of the penis IN THOSE DAYS when hygiene was not known….
And God really commanded this to the Israelites IN THE MOST STRICT and SCARY WAYS…because God wanted them to be clean at least in that matter because they were SUPPOSEDLY to be the ROLE MODEL in INTRODUCING GOD to the Gentiles (all of the non-israelites, including me)…BUT SAD OT SAY, they were UNABLE TO DO THEIR DUTY…and we are all lost and deceived in really knowing WHO is God…
So in the end, our search for God is an INDIVIDUAL MATTER — and the BIBLE SAID, we must SEEK GOD… WE MUST EXAMINE what we hear, what we see and read, even our parents -what they have taught us as kids…
I wish They had taught people that its a religious duty to wash your genitals instead of circumcision. People still follow so many rituals and rites in the name of religion, washing genitals would have been very easy.
In addition to the previous message, I should also note that we have been living together for three years, have had numerous discussions about our beliefs anding on ‘agree to disagree’ and have a puja altar in the house. I take full part in festivals and he visits church with me, on the rare occasion that I do so.
As a parent I consider it my duty to ensure the children feel at home in both of their parents’ traditions. To not teach them about Hinduism as well as Christianity would be to hurt their future groth to balanced adults. However, I am not going to teach them that “there are multiple forms of THE GOD, be that Allah, Jesus or Krishna” – to require a person to teach this would be equivalent to requiring them teach the Hindu concept of Vishnu, Shiva and Brahma, and I am not or ever will be Hindu, neither will my husband be Christian. Instead, we both are going to teach them what Mom believes and what Dad believes, and that people with different beliefs can get along, both within a family and in a society.
I feel like it is necessary to state all this, because it seems to me that you have profound mistrust towards ‘Abrahamic’ spouses and have grouped them under a label of suspicion – as if there is always a fundamentalist in them waiting to come out that requires monitoring: “You gave “one good (!!!) Christian” example, covering experiences up to the marriage time for a friend’s daughter. Did you followed up this marriage after kids, if they have kids by now?”. This is not to deny that many spouses become increasingly conservative after having children, regardless of their faith.
I also deeply respect your quest for religious tolerance. Still, I ask you to look at how, just maybe, your way of defining a tolerant spouse has affinities to Hinduism and is therefore not the ideal place to begin a dialogue in an interfaith marriage.
SEE REPLY BY ADMIN AND TO PROVIDE YOUR COMMENTS AT http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/blog/?p=407
I am a Christian (Lutheran) getting married to a Hindu fiancé in December. We will celebrate a Hindu shaadi in India and receive blessings from a Christian priest in my home country, and we are happy to accommodate both traditions without expecting the conversion of the other. We both fell in love with the other as the whole person, created by their cultural and religious upbringin as well.
However, I wish to comment on what you said about Christians and baptism. I find it an intolerant statement that we both (myself included) could not celebrate the rituals involved in naming a child. I want to baptise our children, not for religious reasons but for the reason that not accepting the rituals of my heritage implies not accepting my identity and equal parenthood. For the same reason I heartfully wish to celebrate namakarana samskara so as to not leave out the other parent’s background and raise children who are comfortable with an unique blend of backgrounds and a duality of religion. The same goes for the yearly celebrations of Diwali, Saraswati puja as well as the first haircut of a child, etc.
But to me, it seems you have defined religious tolerance as refusing or belittleing the other partner’s tradition when it involves Christian rites. Would you not agree that it would be entirely unjust to demand the other parent to let go of their Hindu, Muslim, Sikh or Buddhist rites – that, effectively, also produce religious identity? Do you not see the discrepancy? What is your reason for thinking that it is the unilateral right of the other spouse to deny the performance of rite XYZ on their children, because whether you see it or not, this is what you are suggesting?
More importantly, in an interfaith marriage, I find the best advice to be “always ‘in addition to’, never ‘instead of’.” Rejection is the one surefire way to generate cleavages, inequality and resentment in a relationship. I wholly agree with Nancy who says we can all be just as defensive, and this comes out when both partner’s backgorunds are not allowed to be expressed to the fullest. For this reason I do not feel that your advice is equally based or even productive.
I hope we can have an enlightening discussion on the topic. It should be noted that we may have very different conceptions of the definition or ‘baptism’ as a rite. I do not consider it a rite that is exclusive and binding children to a single religion only. On the other hand, I do not consider Hindu rites neutral. We should appreciate both to their fullest.
I should also note that we have been living together for three years, have had numerous discussions about our beliefs anding on ‘agree to disagree’ and have a puja altar in the house. I take full part in festivals and he visits church with me, on the rare occasion that I do so.
As a parent I consider it my duty to ensure the children feel at home in both of their parents’ traditions. To not teach them about Hinduism as well as Christianity would be to hurt their future groth to balanced adults. However, I am not going to teach them that “there are multiple forms of THE GOD, be that Allah, Jesus or Krishna” – to require a person to teach this would be equivalent to requiring them teach the Hindu concept of Vishnu, Shiva and Brahma, and I am not or ever will be Hindu, neither will my husband be Christian. Instead, we both are going to teach them what Mom believes and what Dad believes, and that people with different beliefs can get along, both within a family and in a society.
I feel like it is necessary to state all this, because it seems to me that you have profound mistrust towards ‘Abrahamic’ spouses and have grouped them under a label of suspicion – as if there is always a fundamentalist in them waiting to come out that requires monitoring: “You gave “one good (!!!) Christian” example, covering experiences up to the marriage time for a friend’s daughter. Did you followed up this marriage after kids, if they have kids by now?”. This is not to deny that many spouses become increasingly conservative after having children, regardless of their faith.
I also deeply respect your quest for religious tolerance. Still, I ask you to look at how, just maybe, your way of defining a tolerant spouse has affinities to Hinduism and is therefore not the ideal place to begin a dialogue in an interfaith marriage.
SEE REPLY BY ADMIN AND PROVIDE YOUR COMMENTS AT http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/blog/?p=407
This is really a very cruical topic ..I am a Hindu and my ex boyfriend Christian. We were madly in love & wanted to get married but he said he can marry only if I am able to accept his Christian faith and before marriage I will have to be baptised. I loved him truly and so I studied about it a lot .. prayed a lot .. tried my level best and then said that I will marry and accept his faith but with consent of my parents as running and getting married is against my principles of life. So I spoke at my home and my parents also did not agree for simple reason that if he loves you truly then why he is asking you to change what you are as a person ..He always asked me to talk to parents or go agaisnt and get married. I was confused so much wat to do ..as I loved him so much … however things didn’t work out… My love was as stake for Faith !!!!! and finally it didn’t happen and now he is engaged to a Christian girl
(((((((((
What is all this …I am so messed up now .. what is above Love , I still cant figure out ..why was it necessary to convert or accept any other faith and become Christian!!! Does god accepts this that you fall in love and later don’t agree to marry if the girl doesnt change !!
This is just not justified.
Nancy, Hinduism does not seek converts. Forceful bloody conversion and violence is very common through out the history of Christianity and Islam. In this sense Hinduism and all Eastern religions are very liberal and open minded and does not bother others. Live and let others live is embedded in Eastern religions. Hinduism is not dogmatic.
As far as marriage is concerned, what about your children? This question be must resolved first. If this cannot be resolved, forget about the marriage.
Then second issue is what is Christianity? If it is all about teachings from your church, then you have a major problem. If it is faith and love for God then you have no problem.
Hinduism is unorganized but dynamic. There are thousands of sects co-exist through out history so you should find out what your boyfreind means when he says he is a Hindu?
Hello Nancy,
Agree, it is unfair.
To ask some one to change religion as a pre-condition for marriage is wrong.
To ask that children from this marriage will be given a “religious label” is also wrong.
Further, to change your religion just to please your loved one is also equally wrong because you will realize your mistake later and you will put your married life in trouble. Read an interesting article and view videos for an on-going court case here:
http://www.interfaithshaadi.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=99:whose-god-wins&Itemid=78&layout=default
It is wrong to assume that Dharmics are “open and accepting of other religions.” Even after about 1000 years of Muslim and Christian rule and proselytism in India, there are still more than 1 billion Dharmics left to convert!! In general, Dharmics may “tolerate other’s faith” more than some Abrahamics, but don’t confuse “tolerance” with “are taught to….accepting of other religions.”
It is good that you are a true tolerant…..“willing to accept his religion and respect.” Did you critically thought what you meant? Eating Samosa, wearing a Sari or leaning Bhangra dance moves is not all about being a part of Dharmic family. If you do marry to a Dharmic, would you expect your children to be baptized (religious label?)? Why? Are you willing to teach your children that there are multiple forms of THE GOD, be that Allah, Jesus or Krishna? From the bottom of your heart, would you feel joyous taking your children to a Hindu temple on every Saturday for murti puja (idols worship?) and equal time on Sunday to a monotheist Church? How will you manage such fundamental conflicting beliefs, and justify it to your family and church members?
Happy and long lasting interfaith marriage is possible if BOTH parties have a true “tolerance for other’s faith.” If not, simply walk away and save years of aggravations later.
What about when it is the Dharmic partner in the relationship who asks for conversion? Is that not unfair as well? I, as a Christian, am willing to accept his religion and respect but I do not want to be asked to leave mine. It’s becoming more difficult for me to believe that all Dharmics are taught to be open and accepting of other religions. We can all be equally defensive of our faiths.
Ranjan (above),
Excellent comments. You are right, while dating people will do anything, but true test comes only after kids are born.
You gave “one good Christian” example, covering experiences up to the marriage time for a friend’s daughter. Did you followed up this marriage after kids, if they have kids by now? On this web site, there are two tests suggested to identify some one as a tolerant spouse:
#1: The Abrahamic (Christian in this case) will not ask for a religious conversion of the Hindu spouse for marriage, and
#2: The Abrahamic spouse will not ask the children to convert; more specifically ask to have Baptism/Christening of children to put a “RELIGIOUS LABEL” that the future heritage will be Christian only.
In your example, #1 is
, how about #2 ?? 
OR 
??
Let me share my life experiences. At the beginning of interfaith dating, the other party does every thing right to prove their sincerity. For example to be nice to your family, do not eat meat, be respectful to parents, come to all family functions, mingle and praise the Indian food.
But then things take turns, once they are married. They hardly come to family functions and mingling totally disappears. Things get even more complicated after kids. May be for the first baby they may give an Indian name, but second and third has to be according to their culture based names. So when you are courting or dating or living together things may look rosy but they are sure to change after marriage.
As much as Hindu religion adopts other culture, not all Christians are taught to be very respectful to Hindu way of doing things. A good Christian example, I visited a friend’s daughter’s wedding and their priest asked the bride I hope you are not converting!!
President Obama even talked about Diwali as a festival of light; means get rid of ignorance and get a light of knowledge. Britishers are appreciating our Vedas now and reciting them at the Palace. Why we take richness of our culture granted and submits to others?