Throw away idols and accept Christ

6 Comments

• suma

  March 19, 2013 9:35 pm

  Reply

  hindus believe in Karma doctrine, one who lives a good life will have a better next life on earth as one’s atman acquires a new body (Buddhists believe in this hindu doctrine as well). The murthis or vigrahas are conduits or representations of Brahman or the fromless hindu god. Christians have many idols of christ, Mary angels , apostols and what not, they are idol worshippers if one looks at it that way. Christians say all those who haven’t converted to Christianity go to hell, even if they are good people.And muslims say the same. Looks like their Gods are very jealous and hatemongering, a god musr not discriminate against any sentient being. Just compare with the hindu compassionate karma siddanta, this karma cycle applies to all even to those who are not hindu. Muslims worship a big black stone in mecca don’t they, that’s idol for others then. Muslims ban music, that’s odd, hindus sing praise of god and enjoy kirtans and bhajans.Ignore that woman and move on. WHat country and race you belong to, just out of curiosity. Shanti.

  • Sunil

    June 4, 2013 8:53 am

    Reply

    Update:

    It has been 10weeks since my last post. I am pleased to announce that I have gotten through to my would be life partner through a very effective route — Love and Acceptance.

    I have always loved and respected the teachings of Jesus Christ (perhaps not the Church)

    So I plunged head first into his Love and truly began to research his life and times. I shared with her my thoughts. Any time she wished to bring up segregationist agendas full of end world fear or conspiracy theories, I responded with the Love of Christ and what is has taught me. I searched the Bible for its many Dharmic, Vedantic teachings (Karma, Acceptance, Soul Searching) and chose to ignore those passages clearly written NOT by Christ but mere mortals trying to use guilt and emotions to spread their power and influence on the uneducated masses of the time.

    And, without judging or engaging her in “Krishna vs Christ” death match debates, I simply told her that for a Vedantic or Dharmic, it matters not the vessel that is chosen to help guide us to ultimate realization, and I have no problem with focusing on Christ during this stage in my life. Something, Vedantics can do, Christians can’t. Muslims can’t. why? Because the agendas of their religion dictate their “narrow path” proudly. They fail to understand the “narrowness” relates to GOOD actions/works/karma, the vessel one chooses is the being he/she decides to place his focus and love upon. They instead believe (as programmed by the Church and multiple Bible revisions), that “narrow” refers to Christ acceptance with no other discussion or need to do anything else. What I call the “EZ” button to Heaven.

    Anyway, I am pleased to announce that we are getting along, she is blossoming as a young woman in front of my eyes, and her spirituality is deepening as I see more Love then Dogma in her eyes.

    more to come . . .

    • admin

      June 8, 2013 9:00 pm

      Reply

      Superb, we are proud of you. Please come here to guide others.

• sunil

  March 19, 2013 12:29 pm

  Reply

  I do love her dearly. And since she has embarked on this quest for a deeper relationship with God and Spirituality, she has indeed matured and I have to give her credit for that.

  Few Points:
  1. She does not belong to any specific sect or church. just follows what her father says and what she thinks the Bible means. One on hand glad I don’t have to fight the “church” but kinda wished she would belong to some community of those with similar beliefs so she can get different perspective other then her father who is very complex (lived his life anyway he wanted to and now close to 60 he finds God and wants everyone to change — convenient he found God AFTER living it up for so many years, watching, smoking, eating, drinking, sleeping with anything he wanted).

  2. We have progressed very far in the last 5months. And to suddenly get the inevitable ultimatum hurts. I do not have “two years” worth of patience as I am 40years old with 3 children from a different marriage who deserve better. So I am willing to do 3-6months more max. If we don’t have this sorted out by then, I am gone. let her search for not only a Christian, but a white, tall, 30-40yr old one that does not drink, eat meat, smoke, dance, listen to music, go out at night, oh and yes has no church affiliation. Can not Roman Catholic or really anything. Oh, he also, cant travel, cant be involved with technology, medicine, science. Cant have $ because that is a sin to be materialistic. Also, somehow without $, find a way to support his family. This is a farce from the family intended to keep her living alone with them forever. Worse the Rapunzel.

  more to come . . .

• Zafana

  March 19, 2013 11:40 am

  Reply

  I am muslim girl, working in a hospital in Zambia age 27 years and in love with a Black african age 29 years, who is also working in the same hospital, by religion he is christian.

  My parents wants me to marry a muslim guy, who also talked to me one day. His mother also met me and said that they need a virgin daughter in law. I asked what about the virginity of their son, she ignored to reply directly and said male is not needed to be virgin. I straightway refused to marry him. I am not virgin and had been in sexual relations with my BF, who is ready to accept me as his soulmate.

  We know each other and understands nature and likings of each other.

  Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4822

• Firoza

  March 19, 2013 9:03 am

  Reply

  Hello dear muslim sister,

  “I wish my husband dies,” as my deep desire, which I think will end my miserable marital situation. I am married to a Moroccan man and has been abused throughout my married life.

  Myabusive relationship has brought her to the point of wishing his husband’s death, but I am unwilling to get out of the marriage for only one reason: financial instability.My husband is the breadwinner since I married him. If I leave the marriage,I will not have anyone to support me ormy children.

  My another sister is in a worse situation; her husband not only verbally abuses her, but also suffers a anal sexual addiction. She also remains in her marriage because she is unable to financially support herself and her children. She says if anyone from her family could buy her an accommodation she would leave her husband the same day.

  When it comes to domestic violence or abusive relationships, the issues of shame and dishonor have often been addressed. However, there are other reasons why women endure:

  Financial Support

  Many Muslim women endure domestic violence because they do not have the financial means to support themselves or their children. In most cases, husbands are the sole breadwinner and the wife becomes highly dependent on him for financial support. She would rather take the abuse than try to become financially independent.

  Lack of Academic Education

  Even in current times, many parents continue to put more emphasis on their sons’ education and undermine that of their daughters. As soon as a good suitor approaches, parents marry their daughters off without taking any future commitments to the completion of her education.

  Complications in Remarrying

  It is a well-known fact that divorced Muslim women have a hard time remarrying, especially if they have children. The fear of living a life without a husband seems more difficult than having one who is abusive.

  Self-Image

  Sometimes women with education and financial stability tolerate domestic violence just to maintain the image of being in a stable relationship. In their minds, an unsuccessful marriage is conceived as a failure on their part. Their ego stops them from being known as the “victims” of domestic violence.

  For the Children’s Sake

  At other times women drag along their relationship just so that their children don’t have to grow up in broken homes. They believe a family with a mother and father is better than one with a single parent.

  Should Women Endure?

  No matter what the reason may be, there is no excuse for enduring injustice. Unfortunately, in many cultures, there is so much negativity associated with seeking help through a third party and/or pursuing a divorce, that many women willingly endure domestic violence rather than protect their rights.

  1. Seek Help

  First, let us realize that not every case of domestic violence has to end in divorce. True, there are cases that definitely require a divorce, but there are other cases that can be sorted out without one. One may never know until they seek professional help.

  2. Your Marriage is not SOLELY your Responsibility

  Do not be deceived into thinking that you are the one responsible for disclosing the “secrets” of your marriage by seeking help. You need help, your spouse needs help and your marriage needs help. If your spouse was sick, would you not go to the doctor to help explain his/her situation? Only selective people need to know what is happening in your marriage. Seek help though a professional and through close family members and friends whom you can trust.

  3. Evil Effects on Children

  You will not be putting your children though any “embarrassing” situation should you seek help though a third party. They will, in fact, appreciate any help you can get to resolve the issue, rather than growing up watching their mother being abused by their father.

  In case the solution is a divorce, again it is better for the children to grow up in an outwardly broken home rather than growing up, emotionally traumatized, in an internally broken home, trying to keep it a secret.

  Complications of Remarriage, Financial Instability, and the Muslim Community:

  In cases where the solution is divorce from an abusive relationship, the quandaries of remarriage and financial support need answers. We are not living in the time of the ṣaḥābah, where divorced/widowed women had no difficulty in remarrying. It is not practical for women to live a single life. Even when offering polygamy as a solution, hardly any brothers are willing to marry a divorcee with children.

  Neither are we living in ‘Umar ‘s time, who had set up an excellent support system for single women with no male family member to support them. Many sisters in the US do not work, and solely rely upon the husband for financial support.

  Please do not misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that due to these challenges a destructive marriage needs to drag, rather I am encouraging the Muslim communities to think of solutions for these issues.

  “He [Allāh] will make for him of his matter ease.”

  While we find the practical solutions, let me remind my sisters and brothers who want to leave an abusive marriage to put their trust in Allāh as He instructed us.

  “And whoever fears Allāh – He will make for him a way out And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allāh – then He is sufficient for him.” (Al-Ṭalāq: 2-3)

  It is interesting that Sūrat’l-Ṭalāq (divorce) is full of verses reminding us about putting tawakkul in Allāh and solely relying on Him for support. There are several reminders in this surah that Allāh will bring ease and Allāh will not overburden a soul, subhanAllāh.

  Tie your Camel

  When a family member was getting married, her husband-to-be, who is a very practicing brother māshā’Allāh, did not deem it necessary for his wife to complete her education. Though her parents wanted her to, they didn’t want to miss the good proposal either. The suitor promised that he will provide his best for her as long as he lives, and in case anything was to happen to him, then his wife should put tawakkul in Allāh and make the best of her situation.

  Alhamdullilah the need never arose and the parents didn’t have to regret their decision. But, there are other cases where the husband turns out to be a very different person than what he had appeared initially. Daughters have to make the “best of their situation”.

  I believe the necessity of educating our daughters (not to mention the importance of education itself) is vital, especially in our times. I am a proponent of early marriages, but I also believe that a higher education for our daughters is “tying your camel’s rope”. Allāh knows best.

  Parents will have to come up with ways to support both early marriage and education without one becoming a hindrance to the other.

  May Allāh protect Muslim families, bless their marriages with love and harmony, and protect our children and bless them with salih spouses, āmīn ya rabb.

  Despite know all these facts, still indecisive to leave such cruel husbands? Please suggest and guide.

  Respond
  Mumtaz says: March 19, 2013 at 8:51 am
  In Arab and Islamic countries, domestic violence is not yet considered a major concern despite its increasing frequency and serious consequences. Surveys in Egypt, Palestine, Israel and Tunisia show that at least one out of three women is beaten by her husband. The indifference to this type of violence stems from attitudes that domestic violence is a private matter and, usually, a justifiable response to misbehaviour on the part of the wife. Selective excerpts from the Koran are used to prove that men who beat their wives are following God’s commandments. These religious justifications, plus the importance of preserving the honour of the family, lead abusers, victims, police and health care professionals to join in a conspiracy of silence rather than disclosing these offences. However, a fair reading of the Koran shows that wife abuse, like genital mutilation and “honour killings” are a result of culture rather than religion.

  Respond
  Mumtaz says: March 19, 2013 at 8:49 am
  It is the extreme, sensational cases that make it to the front pages of the newspaper. We were all horrified when we heard of Nazish Noorani, a young mother killed by her abusive husband. What we don’t hear are the voices of the abused behind the closed doors of many homes across social, economic, ethnic, racial and gender lines. They exist in our community just as they exist in the non-Muslim communities. We see these men in our masjids, their wives suffering in silence at our picnics and our dinner parties. Domestic violence is, again, a human problem, much like sexual harassment.

  By definition, domestic violence is a pattern of abuse – physical, sexual, financial, spiritual, emotional and verbal, including disparagement, blame, being ostracized, isolated and condemned. Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Not one incident but a pattern. Men are victims too, 835,000 a year in the US alone, of physical, emotional and financial abuse.

  Many cultures think it is the man’s God-given right to hit a woman. According to Change from within: Muslim perspectives about Domestic Violence, even the term Domestic Violence is looked upon as suspect by many Muslims because it is reminiscent of “western feminists ideals and doesn’t occur in traditional Islamic texts”. Another reason that many do not publicly bring this issue up is because it re-enforces the stereotype that Islam is a violent religion. Others do not want to pry into ‘private lives’ except to tsk tsk over the plight of another.

  In abusive situations where women are the victims, the ones who do gather the courage to tell are told by their families to go back to their abusers for the sake of family, honor, name, children, to be patient and forgive her spouse after the abuse. Cultural narratives often define why many women do not seek help – i.e. thinking that your husband is Majazi Khuda, a metaphorical God – especially in the South Asian culture. What is that? That is not Islam. That is Jahiliyyah (ignorance). Growing up, I heard that term, on the television as well as socially, enough times to think that it was a part of the dīn. So to me, it is not surprising that 85% of the women who did seek shelter in the U.S. from abusive marriages were immigrants (according to a survey of shelters by Peaceful Families project.) But this could also be because they could not afford to fly back to their countries of origin or did not have the same support system that indigenous Muslims may have.

  Not all Muslim men who abuse their wives do it because they believe it is their Islamic right – many are not religious nor do they think religion is part of the equation. What is especially troubling is when men who are aspiring to piety and learning about the dīn, engage in violence at home and think it is justified in the religion. These attitudes are disseminated by preachers who spew misogynistic statements like some women can only be controlled through striking or telling men that their wives are dirty beings from the dunya. They make religion hell for women and anyone who speaks out against this is deemed anti-Islamic. How do you think a man will act when he goes home after listening to one of these sermons? We need to think. People are leaving the religion because of how some Muslims treat women, using ‘Islam’ as a weapon.

  Have you ever heard in the sīrah of the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam), the Mercy to the World, that he ever struck anyone, wife, child, servant, ever? If you aspire to follow his Sunnah, be a husband like him. He was the living embodiment of the Qur’ān. We also know that this issue is dealt in Islam under the broader umbrella of prohibition of oppression and abuse. Allāh hates oppression, so we should hold on to our spouses in goodness, lifting each other spiritually or let them go.

  We learn from our shuyūkh, who learned from scholars who have given up their lives for the dīn, sacrificing 20 or more years before making tafsīr of the Qur’ān, that laymen, both Muslim and non-Muslim, who bring up the verses in the Qur’ān suggesting that Islam condones domestic violence, need a reality check. Ibn Ashur, the Grand Mufti of the Zaytuna in Tunisia in his tafsīr (Tafsīr al-Tahrir wa al-Tanwir) says that men should be punished by authorities when they have lost control of their hawwas and hit their wives, when they commit domestic violence, when they use a verse from the Qur’ān as a means to justify their anger, their rage. According to Ibn Ashur, it is the greatest irony that the verse in the Qur’ān which came down to eliminate domestic violence is used to propagate domestic violence.

  Renowned scholars say that any woman who is suffering from domestic abuse should go to the proper authorities and report her husband because he is committing a sin. If the Muslims won’t help her then she can go to anybody else who will grant her sanctuary. In our dīn, even animals have rights and no one can humiliate or torture them so what about the daughters of Adam, the best of creation?

  What should we do as a community?

  We need to ask ourselves: do we know what to do if we are faced with such a situation?

  What would we do personally if someone who was in an abusive relationship ever approached us for help? How can we be resources to our abused sisters? One of the many things that you can do is join our Khutbah about Domestic Violence Drive – commit your local masjid or mussalla Friday khuṭbah to this topic to spread awareness and start discussions in our communities. Conversations need to take place at the community level urging counseling, psychological and spiritual, for abusers and the abused.

  We need to ask ourselves: do our masājid have counselors or ties to domestic violence shelters? For example, in a survey conducted by Peaceful Families most DV shelters have on average 35 mosques in the vicinity but only 12% have any ties to the shelter. Only 6% of imams have any domestic violence training.

  We need preachers like imām Khalid Latif, Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Shaykh Yasir Qadhi, imām Zaid Shakir, Maulana Tariq Jameel, and Shaykh Abdullah Hasan, Brother Dawud Walid who frequently speak about this topic and have the knowledge to address this issue. Our own Shaykh Yahya has a post coming soon on the Sunnahs of Love. (Click on the links to hear their views on domestic violence and how to treat your spouses).

  We need parents who raise sons who know how to treat women like the Prophet Muḥammad (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) treated the women in his family and teach our daughters to model that tranquility in their own relationships. We need teachers and counselors who can talk to young men and women about how to manage their relationships in ways that please our Creator and who teach young women to respect themselves and recognize signs of abuse. We need doctors and lawyers in our communities who can speak and educate their patients and clients. We need safe homes in our communities where victims/survivors can go. We need unique solutions that include community-based accountability because we cannot always rely on the police because of the anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim and racist policies practiced by the authorities.

  We cannot let traumatized men and women suffer in silence wondering: Who would speak to me, for me? This is our tradition; this our duty.

  Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4825